Sevenoaks · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Sevenoaks
When one of you lives by the Charing Cross timetable and the other keeps Sevenoaks running, a marriage can shrink to handovers in the hallway. Relationship counselling by secure video gives you both a regular hour that belongs to neither diary, side by side or from two rooms, and either of you can start alone. My only room is in Hove, so meeting there would be occasional.
The practical facts for Sevenoaks
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Sevenoaks by car
- About 63 minutes with clear roads (49.4 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Sevenoaks, change at London Bridge for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway, 0333 091 0414
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
The London day and the Sevenoaks day
Much of the town's working population commutes, mostly to central London, and in a lot of homes here that splits a couple's life into two separate days.
One of you might leave for the Charing Cross train early and get back after the children are asleep. The other may know the town hour by hour: the school gate, the High Street, a parent in Riverhead or Chipstead who needs a lift to an appointment. Each of you can end up quietly sure that you're the one carrying more. By the weekend there's catching up to do, sport and homework to get through, and a conversation that keeps being postponed. When it finally happens, it tends to start late at night, when you're both tired and already halfway into the old argument. Usually both of you have been working hard, just in different directions, and the time you once had for each other has been squeezed out.
Slowing the old argument down, together
At the start, both of you get time to describe, without interruption, what's going wrong and what you'd like instead. I'm not there to rule on who is right. We look for the loop the two of you keep getting caught in: one pushes for a conversation, the other goes quiet, and both come away feeling more alone. Once that loop is visible, we practise catching it earlier and saying the harder thing underneath, such as feeling taken for granted or frightened about money. In Sevenoaks the pressures often have a recognisable shape. Choosing between Knole Academy, Trinity School or a place at Sevenoaks School can carry two different sets of hopes and fears, and the decision can sit between you for years. Caring for an elderly parent can fall mostly on one of you. A job change that wore one partner down without the other noticing belongs here too. You might come hoping to stay together, or to separate with less damage, and either is a fair aim. Fear of a partner rules couples sessions out, and the section below for anyone afraid of their partner matters more than anything else here.
Where the strain shows in a Sevenoaks household
Different days, same house
One of you on the semi-fast trains to Charing Cross, the other running everything in town, and each privately keeping count of what the other doesn't see.
Choosing schools together
Between Sevenoaks School, Knole Academy and Trinity School, deciding where your children go can bring very different hopes, worries and ideas about money to the surface.
One of you caring for a parent
When an ageing parent's needs land mostly on one partner, guilt and resentment can build on both sides. Imago's Kent Carers Support, the West Kent adult carers service, is there for whichever of you does the caring.
Wanting someone in town
If face-to-face sessions locally matter to you, Sevenoaks Counselling, a local charity since 1983, works with couples as well as individuals, so it's fair to ask them too.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Sevenoaks
Each of you may want support of your own as well. West Kent Mind's Sevenoaks Wellbeing Centre on St Johns Road offers counselling, support groups and befriending, and Imago's carers service can support whichever partner looks after an ageing parent. If a partner's drinking has become the subject you can't raise, the Kenward Trust runs support for friends, family and loved ones. Sevenoaks Samaritans will listen to either of you at any hour on 116 123, though that is a listening line, not counselling.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway0333 091 0414Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itWest Kent community drug and alcohol service (Change, Grow, Live)0330 128 1113Run by Change Grow Live (CGL). Free and confidential.
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Locally, the Release the Pressure Helpline - Kent is on 0800 107 0160. Local drop-in crisis support: Kent and Medway Safe Havens (Mental Health Matters) (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Sevenoaks ask before starting
Can we see a couples counsellor face to face in Sevenoaks, or would it be video with you?
With me it would mostly be video, because my only room is in Hove, 63 minutes' drive away. In the town itself, Sevenoaks Counselling is a local charity that sees couples face to face near the station, as well as by phone or online, so it's worth contacting them too and choosing whatever suits you both.
One of us works late in London. Can we still have sessions together from Sevenoaks?
Yes. Video doesn't need you on the same sofa. One of you can join from home in Sevenoaks and the other from a private room in London, though an open-plan office or a meeting room at work is rarely private enough. An evening slot after the later train is often easier to protect than a weekday gap, and we can agree a regular time early on.
How soon could we start relationship counselling from Sevenoaks, and does my partner have to come?
Book the free 15-minute call, alone or together, and we can see on that call whether a regular evening time fits both your diaries. A partner who isn't ready doesn't stop you beginning. You can come on your own and work on your side of the pattern: how you react, and what you've stopped asking for. If they join later, we'll talk first about keeping that fair to them.
We keep arguing about which Sevenoaks school our children should go to. Is that something couples counselling can help with?
It can. An argument about schools is often about more than the school: what each of you went through at that age, what you fear for your children, and what money means to each of you. Counselling won't choose the school for you. It gives you a calmer place to hear what's underneath, so the decision stops being a contest one of you has to win.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Find an evening to talk to each other again
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.