East Grinstead · in person in Hove or online
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for East Grinstead
If you and your partner in East Grinstead, Felbridge or Ashurst Wood keep having the same row, or have stopped having the conversations that matter, relationship counselling gives you an hour where both voices count. It's open to couples and to one partner alone, on secure video from one sofa or two places, or face to face in Hove.
The practical facts for East Grinstead
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From East Grinstead by car
- About 44 minutes with clear roads (28.4 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From East Grinstead, change at East Croydon for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS West Sussex Talking Therapies – North Team, 01403 620434
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
One house, two commutes, north and west
East Grinstead suits couples who need to be within reach of more than one place.
London is about 30 miles away and Crawley and Gatwick about 10, so one of you may take the train north through Oxted while the other drives west towards Crawley. From outside the arrangement can look fine while the house slowly becomes a handover point, where one of you is leaving as the other gets in, and what passes between you is mostly about the shopping, the car and who is collecting whom. Add a teenager at Imberhorne or Sackville School, or a parent in Herontye who needs more help each month, and very little is left over for the two of you. The real arguments may happen late, in the kitchen, when you're both too tired to settle anything. Then there is the size of the place. It's big enough to have a proper High Street and small enough that a friend from Baldwins might notice your car parked somewhere unusual and wonder why. Wanting this kept well away from all of that is reasonable.
What couples work looks like when time is short
The first session belongs to both of you equally. Each of you gets to explain, without interruption, why you've come and what you're hoping will change, and I keep the space fair, so the louder or quicker partner doesn't set the agenda. I don't take sides or hand out verdicts. Over the following weeks we look at the loop you fall into, perhaps one of you pursuing while the other withdraws, or a remark about money becoming a fight about respect, and we slow it down until each of you can see your own part in it. When your week is split between the Oxted line and the road to Crawley, a 90-minute session every other week can suit you better than a rushed hour, because the conversation has time to get somewhere. If there has been an affair, or one of you is no longer sure about staying, we work with that without anyone being hurried towards forgiving or leaving. If parting turns out to be the answer, we can work on parting kindly. Couples of every kind are welcome, married or not.
Where the strain tends to show for couples here
North and west every morning
One of you on the train north towards East Croydon and Victoria, the other driving to Crawley or Gatwick, and evenings that overlap for an hour at most.
Disagreeing about a teenager
Rows about how to handle a teenager at Imberhorne or Sackville School. Arise Counselling Service sees young people from 13, so they can have a space of their own.
An ageing parent's growing needs
Caring for an older parent can quietly draw one partner away from the other. Carers Support West Sussex helps the carer, and our sessions can look at what it's doing to you both.
Drink at the centre of the rows
When drink has become the argument, the partner who doesn't drink can get help too, from West Sussex Wellbeing's council-run family support or from Carers Support West Sussex.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for East Grinstead
If cost is a worry, Arise Counselling Service is a charity offering affordable counselling for couples, in person, online or by phone. When drink is behind the rows, the partner living with it can turn to West Sussex Wellbeing's council-run family support, and a carer can lean on Carers Support West Sussex. If anxiety or low mood is weighing on one of you, NHS West Sussex Talking Therapies takes self-referrals. None of these rule out couples sessions with me alongside.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS West Sussex Talking Therapies – North Team01403 620434Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itWest Sussex Drug & Alcohol Wellbeing Network (DAWN)0330 128 1113Run by Change Grow Live. Free and confidential.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
In this area you can also text SUSSEX to 85258.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in East Grinstead ask before starting
Is there couples counselling in East Grinstead, or would we have to travel to Hove?
Both exist. In the town, Arise Counselling Service is a charity that sees couples at the Jubilee Community Centre on Charlwoods Road, in person, online or by phone. With me, the only room is in Hove, 44 minutes away by car, so many weeks would run on secure video. On the free call I'll tell you how soon a first joint session could be, which may help you compare.
One of us is in London most weekdays and the other is at home in East Grinstead. Can we each join from wherever we are?
Yes. Each of you joins the same secure video call on your own device, ideally with headphones, from somewhere you can't be overheard, such as a meeting room at work or a quiet room at home. It doesn't work from a moving train, so if one of you is travelling we'd set the time for after you've both arrived somewhere private.
Can I have relationship counselling on my own if my partner in East Grinstead isn't interested?
Yes. Working alone, we look at the part of the pattern you can change, what you need and haven't been asking for, and how you react when things go wrong at home. Changing your own side of a pattern sometimes shifts the whole of it. If your partner wants to join later, we'd talk first about keeping that fair to them.
Will anyone in East Grinstead know we're seeing a couples counsellor?
Not from me. What we discuss stays private, apart from the few safety exceptions I go through in the first session. Because the room is in Hove, you're unlikely to bump into neighbours, and on video you only need to check nobody at home can overhear.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Talk it through first, as a pair or alone
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.