How to Stop an Alcoholic From Drinking: A Family Guide

Can you stop an alcoholic from drinking?

The honest answer is no. Alcohol Change UK puts it simply: you cannot control someone else's drinking, and their reasons for drinking ultimately have nothing to do with you ^[5]. I know how hard that is to read when you have come here looking for a way to make it stop. From my own recovery, I also know that the decision to change has to settle in the person who is drinking, however badly the people around them want it.

That still leaves you with more influence than it might seem. You can affect when and how the subject comes up, whether the next step is a safe one, and whether the person has somewhere to turn when they are ready. NICE, which writes the guidance the NHS follows, recommends that services encourage families and carers to be involved in treatment to help support and maintain positive change ^[8]. Alcohol Change UK also says that gently encouraging someone to seek support can make a real difference, both for them and for you ^[5].

I use the word alcoholic in the title because it is what people type into Google. When you talk to the person you are worried about, it is a word best left out, for reasons I come to below.

Is it safe for them to stop drinking suddenly?

Check this before anyone pours a bottle down the sink. For someone who is dependent on alcohol, the NHS says a sudden stop is very dangerous, and that anyone who gets withdrawal symptoms should get medical help before they try to stop ^[1]. The same caution applies to cutting down: the NHS advice is to get medical help before you stop or reduce drinking if you get withdrawal symptoms ^[1]. Drinkaware gives a practical sign to watch for: if someone has physical withdrawal symptoms such as shaking, sweating or nausea before their first drink of the day, stopping too quickly without proper support can be dangerous ^[4].

So if the person you love drinks heavily every day, a sudden promise to quit tomorrow is something to take to a GP first, however welcome it sounds. The NHS warns that a physically dependent person who gives up all at once could be harmed by it, so they should ask for advice on how to stop and on any medicine that would make stopping safer ^[2]. My article on alcohol withdrawal symptoms sets out what to look for.

Call 999 or go to A&E if, after stopping, they shake visibly, become unusually restless, irritable or upset, are so confused that they lose track of what day it is, see, hear or feel things that aren't there, or have a seizure ^[1]. They should not drive themselves to A&E ^[1].

How do you talk to someone about their drinking?

Drinkaware has researched how these conversations tend to happen. Its research found no clear evidence that planned conversations are more successful than unplanned ones, and many take place at a final straw moment ^[3]. Even so, a little thought beforehand helps, and if you do get to choose the moment, these points are worth holding on to:

Pick a time when you are both calm and neither of you has been drinking ^[4]. Drinkaware also suggests waiting until any hangover has passed, especially if you want to talk about how they behaved while drunk ^[3].
Choose somewhere quiet where you will not be overheard, and avoid places that serve alcohol ^[3].
Consider letting them know beforehand that you would like to talk about their drinking, so they do not feel ambushed ^[3].
Talk about what you have noticed and how it has made you feel. Drinkaware says focusing on your own feelings helps the conversation feel less like an accusation ^[3].
Ask open questions, then listen. The more you listen, the more someone will feel comfortable to open up ^[4].
Have details of support services ready in case they ask for help ^[4].
Ask yourself whether you are the best person to raise it, or whether someone else they trust might be better placed ^[4].

What should you say, and what should you avoid saying?

An opening might be as simple as: "I've noticed you've seemed really low after the heavy weekends, and I'm worried about you. Can we talk about it?" Then stop, and let them answer. In counselling I try to leave a silence after asking something, and that is worth doing at home too.

Labels are the first thing to drop. Drinkaware advises against calling someone an alcoholic or saying they have a drinking problem, because it may feel judgemental, and suggests that talking about feelings or behaviour can land better ^[3]. Many people already feel a great deal of shame about their drinking, which is one reason Drinkaware describes defensiveness, anger and denial as common reactions ^[3].

Avoid making demands. Drinkaware cautions against insisting that the person stops drinking completely, or telling them what to do, because people often need time to digest things ^[3]. Alcohol Change UK makes a similar point: avoid criticising or blaming them, plan what you are going to say, pick a time when they are sober, and avoid an argument, so if it isn't the right time, try again later ^[6].

Some families also find they have started covering for the drinking: ringing work to say the person is ill, quietly paying debts, or making excuses to friends. Those things usually come from love and from wanting to keep the peace. If you recognise them, it can help to talk through with Al-Anon, a support line or a counsellor which of them you want to carry on doing. Pouring their alcohol away is a separate matter. For someone who is dependent, a forced stop can bring on withdrawal, so leave that to medical advice ^[1].

What if they get angry, or don't want help?

Expect that the first conversation may not go the way you hoped. You may have been thinking about it for months, while the other person may not have thought about it at all, or may not feel ready to address it ^[3]. Drinkaware's view is that even if someone gets defensive in the moment, it does not mean the conversation hasn't landed ^[3].

If things start to go off track, try not to raise your voice, say again that you are there to support them, and keep your questions open and neutral ^[3]. Sometimes the wisest move is to leave the conversation for that day and come back to it once they have had time to reflect ^[3]. Change is often made through a series of small steps, and a calm first conversation can be one of them ^[3].

Your own safety comes first, and so does the safety of any children in the home ^[4]. Drinkaware advises against talking to someone about it while they are drunk ^[3], and if their drinking makes them aggressive or frightening, do not raise it alone if you feel at risk. Call 999 in an emergency ^[10]. Women can call the Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, on 0808 2000 247 at any time, day or night, and men can call the Respect Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327, Monday to Friday 10am to 8pm ^[10]. If the person you are worried about talks about wanting to die or harming themselves, take it seriously: call 999 if they are in immediate danger, or the Samaritans on 116 123.

How can you help them get treatment?

When they are ready, even a little, the usual first step is the GP or the local drug and alcohol service. The NHS calls the GP a good place to start, and says the GP can suggest assessment and support options such as local community alcohol services ^[2]. Alcohol treatment is the job of local authorities, and the NHS website has a search for finding your local service ^[2]. You can offer to look up the number, sit beside them while they ring, or go to the first appointment with them.

It helps to know what treatment can involve, so you can describe it honestly. The help the NHS describes includes talking therapy, for example CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), medical help with withdrawal at home or in hospital, medicines to reduce cravings and help prevent relapse, and support with other parts of life such as relationships, employment and housing ^[1]. The aim is usually to stop completely, especially for someone who is dependent, but the NHS says that a person who is not ready to stop yet will be supported to reduce their drinking to a safer level ^[1]. That can matter a great deal to someone who is frightened of being told to quit on the spot.

Families can be part of this. NICE recommends that when families and carers are involved, services discuss the impact of the drinking on them, provide written and verbal information on how they can support the person, and offer a carer's assessment where necessary ^[8]. For couples, NICE recommends behavioural couples therapy for people who drink at harmful levels and people with mild alcohol dependence who have a regular partner willing to take part, unless there are signs of domestic abuse ^[8].

Peer support sits alongside treatment. The NHS points to Alcoholics Anonymous and SMART Recovery, and says self-help or mutual aid groups are accessible in most areas ^[2]. It also says plainly that, for longer-term support, leaning on family and carers alone often falls short ^[2]. I hope that takes some of the weight off you.

Is there evidence that families can make a difference?

There is some. Community Reinforcement and Family Training, usually called CRAFT, is a structured programme for the partners and relatives of someone with an addiction, aimed at helping them encourage that person into treatment. A 2020 systematic review from King's College London covered 691 family members and partners across 14 studies, and its meta-analysis found CRAFT to be twice as effective as the comparison groups at getting the person into treatment ^[9].

The main outcome was whether the person entered treatment, as reported by the family member, up to 12 months after starting CRAFT ^[9]. The highest rates, 77 and 86%, came where family members had both individual and group sessions, with lower rates for self-directed workbooks on their own ^[9]. The review included uncontrolled studies as well as controlled ones, results varied widely between versions of the programme, and the studies came from North America and Europe ^[9]. So I read it as modest support for one idea: in these studies, the more support the family member received, the more often the person they were worried about went into treatment ^[9]. CRAFT is a specific programme delivered by trained therapists, and I don't offer it, but you can ask your local alcohol service what support it has for families.

Where can you get support for yourself?

Living alongside someone else's drinking wears people down. Alcohol Change UK points out that harmful drinking can bring health problems, financial worries, relationship breakdown and parenting difficulties to the people around them ^[5]. It advises making sure you get enough sleep, have ways of relieving stress, and have someone to talk to about how you feel ^[5]. You are also far from alone: Drinkaware research in 2024 found that 28% of UK adults had felt concerned about someone else's drinking in the last year ^[4].

These organisations exist for the family and friends of people who drink:

Al-Anon Family Groups are for anyone affected by another person's drinking, now or in the past, and you can go whether or not that person still drinks. There are over 800 groups in the UK and Republic of Ireland, and a free helpline on 0800 0086 811 ^[7].
Teenagers aged 12 to 17 who are living with someone else's drinking, most often a parent's, can go to Alateen, which is part of Al-Anon ^[2].
Adfam is the national charity working with families affected by drugs and alcohol, and runs an online message board and local support groups ^[2].
SMART Recovery's Family and Friends programme supports anyone affected by a loved one's substance use, on 0330 053 6022 ^[7].
Nacoa offers information, advice and support to everyone affected by a parent's drinking, adults included, on 0800 358 3456 ^[7].
Drinkline, the national alcohol helpline, is free and confidential for anyone worried about their own or someone else's drinking, on 0300 123 1110, weekdays 9am to 8pm and weekends 11am to 4pm ^[2].

Where counselling fits

Your own GP is a good place to start for you, too. The NHS lists being worried about someone else's drinking as a reason to see a GP or an alcohol support service ^[1]. If you notice that your whole life has started to organise itself around their drinking, my article on codependency may be worth reading.

I am a counsellor with no medical role, so withdrawal and medication stay with the GP and the alcohol service. When you have spent years watching someone else's drinking, it is easy to lose track of your own feelings, and counselling gives time back to them: the fear, the anger, the guilt about feeling angry, and the question of what you want for yourself.

I also offer counselling for drinking problems to people who want to change their own drinking, and relationship counselling for couples where alcohol has come between them. Sessions run from my room in Hove or online, and you can read about counselling in Hove or the areas I cover.

Common questions

Should I pour away their alcohol?

Please don't, at least not without medical advice. If the person is dependent on alcohol, a forced stop can bring on withdrawal, and the NHS says a sudden stop is very dangerous for someone who is dependent ^[1]. Hiding or pouring away drink can also turn the relationship into a contest over bottles. Your energy is better spent helping them reach a GP, who can check whether they need medical help to stop safely.

Should I give them an ultimatum?

A limit on what you will live with is yours to set, and it can be honest and fair. Drinkaware advises against demands such as insisting someone stops drinking completely, because people often need time to digest things ^[3]. If you do set a limit, make it one you are prepared to keep, say it calmly when neither of you has been drinking, and get support for yourself first. Where there is any risk of harm, your safety comes before the conversation.

Is it my fault that they drink?

No. Alcohol Change UK is clear that you cannot control someone else's drinking, and that their reasons for drinking ultimately have nothing to do with you ^[5]. Guilt is very common in families, especially when the person blames you in the middle of an argument. Taking that guilt to someone outside the situation, such as Al-Anon, a support line or a counsellor, can help you see it more clearly.

Can I get help if they refuse to?

Yes. Support for families does not depend on the person who drinks accepting help. Al-Anon is open to anyone affected by another person's drinking, and the person does not have to have stopped ^[7]. The NHS also lists worry about someone else's drinking as a reason to see a GP or alcohol support service yourself ^[1]. Getting support often makes the next conversation calmer, because you are no longer carrying it all alone.

Can I force them into rehab or treatment?

In most cases, no. In England and Wales, the Mental Health Act says dependence on alcohol or drugs is not considered a disorder or disability of the mind for the purposes of the Act ^[12], so being dependent on alcohol is not, by itself, a reason to section someone. NHS residential rehab also depends on an assessment of need, and sometimes a further assessment for funding ^[2]. What you can do is keep the door open and call 999 if they are ever in danger.

What if the person drinking is my parent?

Drinkaware advises that you only raise it if it is completely safe to do so. If your parent's behaviour can be aggressive or unpredictable, do not approach them about their drinking, and talk to an adult you trust instead ^[11]. Alateen is for 12 to 17-year-olds affected by someone else's drinking ^[2], and Nacoa supports everyone affected by a parent's drinking, adults included, on 0800 358 3456 ^[7]. If you ever feel unsafe at home, call 999.

Sources

Alcohol-use disorder, NHS (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Alcohol support, NHS (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
How to talk to someone else about drinking, Drinkaware (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Worried about someone else's drinking?, Drinkaware (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Family and friends, Alcohol Change UK (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Supporting your partner or loved one, Alcohol Change UK (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
UK family support groups and services, Alcohol Change UK (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Alcohol-use disorders: diagnosis, assessment and management of harmful drinking (high-risk drinking) and alcohol dependence (CG115), Recommendations, NICE (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Community reinforcement and family training and rates of treatment entry: a systematic review, Archer et al., Addiction, 2020 (PubMed) (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Domestic violence and abuse, NHS (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Worried about a parent's drinking?, Drinkaware (accessed 12 Nov 2026)
Mental Health Act 1983, section 1: Application of Act: "mental disorder", legislation.gov.uk (The National Archives) (accessed 12 Nov 2026)

Written by Bradley Riddell, a BACP-registered counsellor (registered member 109340) with over 25 years' experience and lived experience of recovery. He is not a doctor: this article is general information, not medical advice. Check his registration. Sources checked 12 November 2026.

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