Dartford · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Dartford
This page is for Dartford couples who can no longer talk about the relationship without it turning sour, and for one of you alone if the other isn't ready. Sessions happen on secure video, on one sofa or from two separate rooms; the only room I have is in Hove, about 78 minutes' drive away. A 90-minute session leaves space for both voices without the clock pressing.
The practical facts for Dartford
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Dartford by car
- About 78 minutes with clear roads (64.7 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Dartford, change at London Bridge for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway, 0333 091 0414
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
One of you on the London train, one holding Dartford together
So much of Dartford's working life points towards London that in some households the week splits in two.
One of you leaves for the station before it's light and comes back on a Southeastern or Thameslink train after the children have eaten, while the other runs everything at this end: school letters, the boiler, a parent in Wilmington who rings twice a day. Neither of you is idle, yet each can feel the other got the easier half. The commuter walks in wanting quiet, and the partner who stayed has been waiting all day for another adult to talk to. By Friday you're arguing about whose turn it is to be tired. Weekends can fill up with family on both sides and lifts in every direction. When every free hour is spoken for, two people can lose the habit of simply being together.
Finding the argument underneath the timetable
The first session is about hearing both of you. Each of you says what has brought you and what you hope will be different, and I keep things fair so the quicker talker doesn't set the agenda. I don't decide who is right. Over the next sessions we look for the loop you keep falling into: perhaps one of you pushes to talk the moment the door opens and the other goes quiet, which makes the next push harder. Rows about lifts, rotas and who forgot the dentist are often carrying something else, such as feeling unseen, or alone with the load. Once the two of you can name that, the practical arguments can become easier to settle. If caring for a parent sits in the middle of it, we give that its own time, because resentment about caring rarely gets said out loud. If one of you is thinking of leaving, we can work on ending things with less damage, especially where children are involved. You're welcome whatever shape your relationship takes, married or not. And if your partner won't come, we can work on your half of the pattern with you alone.
Strains that land on a Dartford relationship
Different halves of the week
One of you lives by the Southeastern or Thameslink timetable, the other by school runs and home, and each quietly believes the other has it easier.
Exam years and teenagers
A son or daughter facing exams at Dartford Grammar School or starting a course at NKC Dartford College can expose how differently the two of you parent.
When a parent needs looking after
When an elderly parent needs more help, one partner can end up carrying it alone. Imago's Kent Carers Support is there for whichever of you is doing the caring.
Drinking nobody mentions
If one partner's drinking has become the subject neither of you raises, the Kenward Trust supports the person living alongside it through its Friends, Family and Loved Ones service.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Dartford
If you'd rather sit in a room together, Relationships Medway and North Kent (RMNK), formerly Relate Medway and North Kent, is the relationship charity for this part of Kent. For one of you alone, North Kent Mind Counselling and Therapy Services offers low-cost counselling, and North Kent Mind Wellbeing Services runs groups. Imago supports whichever of you is caring, the Kenward Trust supports a partner worried about drinking, and Bexley and Dartford Samaritans listen on 116 123.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway0333 091 0414Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itWest Kent community drug and alcohol service (Change, Grow, Live)0330 128 1113Run by Change Grow Live (CGL). Free and confidential.
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Locally, the Release the Pressure Helpline - Kent is on 0800 107 0160. Local drop-in crisis support: Kent and Medway Safe Havens (Mental Health Matters); Dartford Safe Haven (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Dartford ask before starting
Is there couples counselling in Dartford itself, or only by video with you?
With me it would be by video, because my only room is in Hove, about 78 minutes' drive from Dartford. If sitting in a room together matters to you, it's worth asking Relationships Medway and North Kent, the relationship charity for Medway and North Kent, what they can offer. With me, you can join together from one sofa, or separately when one of you is still at work.
One of us often works late in London. Can we join a session from two places?
Yes. Whoever is still in London logs on from somewhere private, a meeting room or a quiet corner, while the other joins from home in Dartford, each on your own device. It works best when you both have headphones and a door that closes, and when neither of you is at a desk where colleagues can hear. On weeks you're both home, sitting together at one screen is fine too.
Is relationship counselling worth having alone if my partner in Dartford won't take part?
It can be. When you change your own part in the pattern, your partner is responding to something different, even if they never join. We'd look at what you do when the old argument starts, what you need and haven't said, and what you're prepared to keep doing. If they later want to come too, we'd agree how to begin so that neither of you feels ambushed.
How quickly could we start couples counselling from Dartford?
The free 15-minute call can be booked by whichever of you is readier, or taken together, and I'll say plainly which evenings I can offer. Later times are worth asking about if one of you gets back late from London. Before the first session, it helps to agree between you what you'd each like to be different, even if the two lists don't match.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Start with a short call, whoever goes first
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.