Orpington · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Orpington
If the two of you in Orpington keep missing each other, one working to a hospital rota and one to a train timetable, or both suddenly at home all day, I offer couples counselling by secure video. You can sit together at one screen, join from two places, or begin on your own while your partner decides.
The practical facts for Orpington
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Orpington by car
- About 67 minutes with clear roads (54.3 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Orpington, change at London Bridge for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Bromley Talking Therapies, 0300 003 3000
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
A rota, a timetable and one Orpington home
Orpington grew with its railway, house building peaked in the 1920s and 30s, and it is still a town where a lot of working days begin on a platform.
Victoria alone has four trains an hour via Herne Hill, with more to Charing Cross and Cannon Street. Not every household keeps office hours, though. The Princess Royal University Hospital on Farnborough Common is the borough's main acute hospital, so if one of you works shifts there, you may be leaving for work just as the other gets back from London. You can share a bed and a bank account and still go most of a week without a proper conversation. The tiredness is real on both sides, and each of you can come to believe your own day was the harder one. Then something small, an unwashed pan or a message left unanswered, ends up carrying the weight of everything that hasn't been said.
What we do with the hour you've set aside
The first session gives each of you time to describe the relationship as you see it, without the other correcting the details. I'm listening for the sequence you both know too well: one of you raises something, the other hears blame, and within a minute you're arguing about tone instead of the thing itself. Once that sequence is visible, we slow it right down, so each of you can say what sits under the irritation, which is often loneliness or plain exhaustion. Orpington's strains have their own shapes. Rota work can leave one partner asleep while the other is awake, and a commuter's evening is short. Retraining at the University Centre in The Walnuts after years in one job can unsettle the balance at home, however hopeful the change. A long London career that ends, through retirement or redundancy, can put two people in the same kitchen all day for the first time since the children were small. You may come hoping to stay together, or to part without causing more hurt, and I'll work with either. Couples work only goes ahead if both of you feel safe with each other; if that's in doubt, the safety section on this page comes first.
Pressures an Orpington couple might name
Nights on the wards, days in London
One of you on shifts at the Princess Royal University Hospital, the other on the Victoria trains, and the hours when you're both awake and both at home shrinking to almost nothing.
One of you studying again
A course at London South East Colleges or its University Centre can be a hopeful change, and still leave the other partner feeling left behind or carrying more of the house.
When the commute stops
After years of the London trains, retirement or a lost job puts you both at home in Orpington together, and the old way of dividing the day no longer works.
Wanting a local service
Relate (Bromley), which trades as Relate London South East, offers relationship support within the borough, and it's reasonable to weigh it up alongside sessions with me.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Orpington
Relate (Bromley), trading as Relate London South East, is the borough's own relationship service. If drink or drugs have become the subject neither of you can raise, CGL Bromley supports families and carers. If one of you needs mental health help in their own right, Bromley Mental Health Hub assesses adults aged 18 to 64 on 020 8659 2151, option two, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm. Seeing me together doesn't rule out using any of them.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Bromley Talking Therapies0300 003 3000Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itChange Grow Live (CGL) Bromley Drug and Alcohol Service020 8289 1999Free and confidential.
- Local organisationSouth East London MindMental health charity.
- Local organisationFamilies AnonymousSupport for families and friends.
- Local organisationBromley Well (unpaid adult carers support)
- Local organisationBromley and Orpington SamaritansLocal Samaritans branch.
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
The South London NHS Mental Health Crisis WhatsApp Service () is another option: WhatsApp 0303 330 1511.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Orpington ask before starting
Can we have couples counselling in Orpington itself, or would it be video with you?
With me it's almost always video. My only room is in Hove, about 67 minutes' drive from Orpington, so a regular joint trip there rarely fits around work. For relationship support based in the borough, Relate (Bromley), which trades as Relate London South East, is the service to contact. Choosing them, me, or each at a different time are all sensible options.
My partner works shifts at the Princess Royal. How would we find a regular time for couples sessions?
Bring the rota to the free call and we'll look for a slot that can survive it, perhaps a weekday morning after a run of nights, or early evening before a late. If the pattern changes every few weeks, we can book a few sessions ahead each time. We'd also agree at the start how to handle a session lost to a rota change, so nobody ends up blamed for it.
How quickly can an Orpington couple start relationship counselling, and what if only one of us wants to?
Book the free 15-minute call and you'll hear on it when I next have a regular slot. There's no referral and no form. A partner who isn't ready to join doesn't stop you starting alone and looking at your own half of the pattern. Should they decide to join later, we'd talk first about how to make the space fair to someone arriving partway through.
We've both just retired in Orpington and argue all day. Is that something couples counselling is for?
It can be. When work, and especially a long commute, shaped your days for decades, retirement removes the structure that kept you out of each other's way. Arguments about small things often stand in for bigger ones: purpose, money, time, or feeling unseen. Counselling gives you somewhere to say those, and to work out together what you each want these years to hold.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Find an hour that fits both your weeks
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.