Fareham · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Fareham
This is couples counselling for people in Fareham, Portchester, Funtley and the streets around them, and for one partner on their own if the other isn't ready yet. The room I work from is in Hove, more than an hour away, so from here sessions usually happen by secure video, with the two of you side by side or each in a separate place.
The practical facts for Fareham
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Fareham by car
- About 68 minutes with clear roads (50.0 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- Direct trains from Fareham towards Brighton call at Hove on the way.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire, 023 8038 3920
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
When a posting chose the town for one of you
Not everyone living in Fareham chose it. If one of you came here for a role at HMS Collingwood, the lead establishment of the Maritime Warfare School, the other may have followed, leaving a job and friends somewhere else. The one who serves may step into a routine that comes with the role. The other may be at home in Portchester or Funtley with a phone that holds hardly any local numbers, wondering where the life they had has gone. That imbalance can go unspoken for a long time and then come out sideways, as a sharp word about the school run or about why one of you is always tired. Other couples here feel a different squeeze, with one heading towards Portsmouth each morning and the other towards Southampton or an office at Solent Business Park in Whiteley, so you meet at the end of the day with nothing left. Couples counselling sets aside an hour for what has gone unsaid, with someone who listens to both of you equally.
Fair to the one who followed and the one who went
In a first session I hear from each of you in turn about what has been happening and what you would like to be different. Ruling on which of you is right isn't my job. What I listen for is the circle you both get stuck in, and what each of you is protecting when you dig your heels in. Where a posting brought you to Fareham, we look honestly at what the move cost each of you, including the things that feel disloyal to admit, such as resenting a career you are also proud of. If one of you serves in the Royal Navy or Royal Marines, Anchoring Minds offers mental health support to personnel and their families, and it can sit beside our sessions. Money, a parent who needs more help, or a child struggling at school can all land on a couple in the same month, and we can take them one at a time instead of in one long row. You can also begin alone. Looking at your half of the pattern is worth doing, and your partner can join later if you both want that. Longer sessions of 90 or 120 minutes give each of you time to finish a thought before the clock runs out.
Strains that can land on a Fareham household
The partner who followed
You moved to Fareham for a posting at HMS Collingwood that wasn't yours, and the career, friends and confidence you left behind have become a quiet grievance between you.
East and west each morning
One of you drives towards Portsmouth, the other towards Southampton or Whiteley, and the only overlap in your day is a tired evening at home in Fareham.
A longer session in a neutral room
Once in a while, taking the direct Brighton train together for a 120-minute session gives you time, and a room neither of you owns.
When one of you is struggling
If one partner's anxiety or low mood is weighing on you both, the Solent Mind Fareham and Gosport Wellbeing Service can support them while couples sessions carry on.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Fareham
Free help near Fareham is mostly for one person at a time, which can still take pressure off a couple. The Solent Mind Fareham and Gosport Wellbeing Service runs groups, workshops and one-to-one emotional support for either of you. If one of you has become a carer for a relative, the Hampshire Carers Support Service is there for that role. Couples counselling can continue beside any of them.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire023 8038 3920Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itInclusion Recovery Hampshire0300 124 0103Free and confidential.
- Local organisationParent Support Link (PSL)
- Local organisationThe Princess Royal Trust for Carers in Hampshire (Hampshire Carers Support Service)
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
In this area you can also text HANTS to 85258.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Fareham ask before starting
One of us works at HMS Collingwood and the other feels stranded in Fareham. Can couples counselling help with that?
It can. The partner who moved for someone else's posting can lose a job, friends and a sense of who they are, and the one who serves may not see how much. In sessions each of you gets equal room to say what the move has meant. I'm independent of the Navy, and what you tell me stays confidential within the usual safety limits.
Where can either of us find free help in Fareham alongside couples sessions?
If anxiety or low mood is part of the picture for either of you, NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire takes self-referrals on 023 8038 3920. Anchoring Minds, from Solent Mind and the Royal Navy and Royal Marines Charity, works with naval families. Either can sit alongside couples sessions and ease some of what one of you is carrying.
Could we come to Hove together from Fareham, or is video more realistic?
For ordinary weeks video is more realistic. The drive is about 68 minutes each way and the train runs direct to Brighton, so a weekly visit would swallow most of an evening for both of you. A joint trip for a longer session can be worth it once in a while, perhaps near the start. On video, each of you needs somewhere private where you can't be overheard.
My partner doesn't want to come yet. Could I start couples work from Fareham on my own?
Yes. You're welcome to ring for the free 15-minute call by yourself and talk to me alone first, and by the end of it you'll know when a regular slot could begin. If your partner still isn't ready, you can start by yourself and look at your side of things, and they can come in later if you both agree to it.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Talk to me first, from wherever each of you is
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.