Petworth · in person in Hove or online
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Petworth
This is for couples in and around Petworth who can no longer talk without it souring, or who have stopped talking much at all. You can meet me by secure video, sitting together at one screen, or travel together to my room in Hove. Either of you can also begin alone.
The practical facts for Petworth
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Petworth by car
- About 48 minutes with clear roads (27.4 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Pulborough, change at Barnham for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS West Sussex Talking Therapies – West Team, 01273 265967
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
When a family's week is planned around the car
Petworth Primary School is the only school in the town and stops at Year 6, so the September a child moves up is often the month a household's whole timetable shifts.
Secondary-age children travel out of town, and somebody ends up organising lifts or waiting up for the bus home, while somebody else absorbs whatever that displaces. Couples who managed well on the old routine can slide into keeping score over whose turn it is and whose job counts for more. Add an older parent nearby who needs driving to appointments and looking after, and the talk between you can shrink to arrangements and handovers. With 3,027 people in the parish at the 2011 Census, your friends are likely to be friends with you both, which can make the strain hard to mention to anyone. It is often easier to look fine together in public than to say, at home, what has gone wrong.
Looking at the two of you, beyond the rota
In a first session together, I'll ask each of you what a good week used to look like and what a bad one looks like now. What I listen for is the circuit the two of you keep running: the remark about being late that becomes a cold evening, the help that's offered in a tone that makes it impossible to accept. Once both of you can see that circuit, it is easier to talk about, and we can look at what each of you needs and hasn't felt able to ask for. If caring for a parent has taken over, we look at how the load is divided and what it has cost each of you. If one partner's drinking sits underneath the rows, I'll say so plainly, and the other may want support of their own. Sometimes only one of you is ready to start, and sessions about the relationship are still worth having on your own. Where one partner is afraid of the other, couples sessions are the wrong place to begin, and the safety information on this page matters more than anything here.
Points where a relationship here can wear thin
The move up from Year 6
When a child leaves Petworth Primary School for a secondary school out of town, the family timetable changes almost overnight, and so can the balance of who gives way.
Caring for a parent between you
One of you becomes the carer and the other feels shut out, or left on their own. Carers Support West Sussex supports whoever is doing the caring, beside our sessions.
Rows that come back to alcohol
If alcohol is behind the arguments, West Sussex Wellbeing runs council support for family and friends, for the partner who is living alongside it.
A room away from the parish
A 90-minute session in Hove, 48 minutes away by car, puts some distance between you and everyone who knows you as a pair, for the conversations that need it.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Petworth
If one of you needs support alone, you can each contact NHS West Sussex Talking Therapies about anxiety and low mood, through the West Team that serves Petworth. West Sussex Mind is the county's Mind, and Carers Support West Sussex is for whichever of you does the caring. If alcohol or drugs are part of the strain, DAWN, the council's drug and alcohol service, and West Sussex Wellbeing's family and friends support are both free.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS West Sussex Talking Therapies – West Team01273 265967Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itWest Sussex Drug & Alcohol Wellbeing Network (DAWN)0330 128 1113Run by Change Grow Live. Free and confidential.
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
In this area you can also text SUSSEX to 85258.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Petworth ask before starting
Can we get couples counselling for free anywhere near Petworth?
There isn't a free couples service I can name for Petworth. Separately, either of you can ring NHS West Sussex Talking Therapies on 01273 265967 about your own anxiety or low mood, since its West Team covers Petworth. Carers Support West Sussex supports a partner who is caring. Either can run alongside sessions the two of you have with me.
Is the drive from Petworth to Hove worth it for couples sessions?
For a first meeting, or an occasional longer session, it can be. About 48 minutes in the car together gives you time either side, though the drive home after a hard session can be when things flare, so keep that evening quiet. For weekly work, video from home tends to survive school travel and jobs far better than a regular round trip.
My partner won't come. Is relationship counselling worth having alone from Petworth?
Yes. We can talk about the relationship, your part in it and what you want from it, by video from wherever you can speak freely. A partner sometimes joins later, and if they never do, the sessions are still worthwhile and still yours. If the reason they won't come is that you're afraid of how they'd react, please read the part of this page for anyone afraid of their partner first.
How soon could we start couples sessions from Petworth?
Whichever of you feels readier can arrange the free 15-minute call for you both, and it helps if you each join it, even from different rooms. I'll be clear with you about which regular times are open. Agreeing on one slot you can both keep each week, around work and children travelling out of town for school, is often the first useful piece of joint work.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Fifteen minutes, for one or both of you
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.