Portsmouth · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Portsmouth
If you and your partner in Portsmouth or Southsea keep circling the same argument, or you're the one lying awake over it, this page is for you. The two of you can join me together by secure video, and now and then travel along the coast by direct train to my room in Hove, more than an hour away. If your partner isn't ready to come, you can start on your own.
The practical facts for Portsmouth
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Portsmouth by car
- About 69 minutes with clear roads (48.4 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- Direct trains from Portsmouth & Southsea to Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Portsmouth, 0300 123 3934
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Love on a naval timetable, in a crowded city
For couples connected to HMNB Portsmouth, the relationship can run to a calendar neither of you wrote.
Deployments and shift patterns decide when you're together, and the changeover at each end can be as hard as the time apart. One of you may learn to run the home alone and then have to make room again, while the other comes back to a household that has moved on without them. Away from the Navy, the city has its own pressures. Portsmouth is the second most densely populated city in the UK after London, and when you share a small home on Portsea Island with children or housemates, there may be nowhere to have a difficult conversation without being overheard. If you met as students at the University of Portsmouth, the relationship may need to find a new shape once the course ends. Couples counselling gives the two of you a set hour for those conversations, with someone listening to both sides.
Finding each other again between departures
In a first session I want to hear from both of you, together and in turn: what's been happening, what each of you is hoping for, and what you're each afraid of. I don't take sides. I'm interested in the loop you get caught in, for instance one of you pushing to talk while the other goes quiet, and what each of you is protecting underneath. If one of you serves, that loop may follow the calendar. You might notice the weeks before a deployment from HMNB Portsmouth filling up with rows that are really about the leaving, and the weeks after a return bringing arguments about who decides things now. We can plan sessions around those dates, with the partner at home coming alone while the other is away. If you both work shifts, at Queen Alexandra Hospital or the port, finding one hour when you're both awake and free is part of the work, and video makes that easier. Portsmouth logged 557.7 alcohol-related hospital admissions per 100,000 in 2023/24 (narrow definition), above England's 504.1 per 100,000. It measures the city and says nothing about your relationship. When drink has found its way into the rows, the two of you can talk about it here, including what each of you fears will happen if nothing changes. A 90 or 120-minute session gives two people more time to be heard.
Strains a couple might name
The homecoming that went wrong
You counted down the days to the ship coming back into Portsmouth, and then the first week was tense, distant or full of arguments neither of you expected.
Running the house solo
One of you carried everything during a deployment and now feels unseen, while the other feels like a guest in their own home.
Trust stretched by distance
Long separations at sea, patchy contact and silence can let suspicion grow. We work on what happened and what each of you needs to feel safe.
Drink at the centre of things
When nights out, leave or a partner's drinking have become the place arguments start, we can look at it with both of you. FLAGS supports serving personnel with alcohol and gambling.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Portsmouth
When the strain in a Portsmouth home comes from one person's drinking or drugs, Portsmouth Recovery's family and carers support and the Family Support Project at the Society of St James help the people around them, and Rebound Carer's Group offers peer support. Serving Royal Navy and Royal Marines personnel can contact FLAGS about alcohol or gambling. If one of you is looking after a relative, Portsmouth Carers Service is there too. Any of these can sit alongside couples work.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Portsmouth0300 123 3934Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itPortsmouth Recovery Hub023 9229 4573Run by The Society of St James (SSJ) with Inclusion. Free and confidential.
- Local organisationSolent MindMental health charity.
- Local organisationRebound Carer's GroupSupport for families and friends.
- Local organisationCompass Counselling Service
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Portsmouth ask before starting
Can my partner join couples counselling while on deployment?
It's usually simpler to start on your own while they're away, especially if contact during a deployment is limited or hard to keep private. If contact allows, they might join a video session from where they are, but it's best not to plan around that. Once they're home on leave or back for good, we can bring them in and fit sessions around return dates.
Is it worth travelling to Hove together for a session?
A visit tends to earn its place early on, or after something big has shifted between you, such as a homecoming. The direct train from Portsmouth and Southsea gets you to Hove without a change, and a neutral room means neither of you is on home ground. With the drive at about 69 minutes, weekly visits are a lot, so you'd probably mix occasional trips with video.
Where can a Portsmouth couple get free help?
Either of you can self-refer to NHS Talking Therapies Portsmouth on 0300 123 3934 if worry or a persistent low mood is weighing on you. Compass Counselling offers low-cost adult counselling priced on income. Where a partner's drinking is the issue, Portsmouth Recovery's family and carers support is there for the people around them.
My partner won't come. Can I have relationship counselling alone?
Yes. Working on your side of the relationship, how you react and what you've stopped saying, is worth doing in its own right, and it is something you can do while your partner is away for months at a time. If they later want to join, we'd talk about how to bring them in so it feels fair to both of you.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
A first call for the two of you, or just you
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.