Rochester · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Rochester
For couples in Rochester, Strood or Frindsbury who have drifted into living side by side rather than together, relationship counselling with me takes place over secure video. You can share one laptop on the same sofa, log in from two different places, or start with just one of you. My only room is in Hove, so the work happens on screen.
The practical facts for Rochester
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Rochester by car
- About 84 minutes with clear roads (69.7 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Rochester, change at London Bridge for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway, 0333 091 0414
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Two working lives on either side of the river
Rochester sits at the lowest bridging point of the Medway, and a couple here can easily spend the week on both banks and well beyond.
One of you might work in Chatham or Gillingham while the other leaves from the station on Corporation Street, on the high-speed line to St Pancras or a Thameslink train through Dartford and Greenwich towards Luton. Because the Medway Towns run into one another, an urban area of about 250,000 people, your parents may live in Strood, your job may be in Gillingham and the children's school somewhere else again, so the car becomes where most of your talking happens. That can work for years. Then a promotion, a baby, a redundancy or a parent's illness tips the balance, and the two of you start negotiating instead of talking. Evenings go on logistics and weekends go on catching up. Nothing has gone badly wrong, and yet one of you feels lonely in the house in The Delce, and the other has noticed without knowing how to say so.
What happens in the hour, with both of you or one
At the start you both get time to describe the relationship as you see it now, without the other correcting the details, and I keep the time fair so neither of you becomes the spokesperson. What I listen for is the sequence that keeps repeating between you: who reaches out, how it lands, and where each of you retreats when it misses. When two lives are spread across several towns, a surprising amount of hurt collects in the handovers, the message left unanswered while one of you was on a train, the plan changed without asking. We look closely at those small moments, because they carry the large feelings, such as being taken for granted or being a disappointment. Between sessions you try something different, and we look at what happened. Sometimes the aim that emerges is rebuilding. Sometimes it is parting with less damage, especially where children are watching, and that is an honest aim too. If only one of you is willing to start, we work on your half of the pattern and leave the door open for the other. If either partner is frightened of the other, joint sessions are the wrong setting, and this page's section on being afraid of a partner sets out where to turn instead.
Strains a Rochester couple might recognise
Different trains, different evenings
One of you gets back on the high-speed train from St Pancras, the other on a slower Thameslink service via Dartford, and the evening has gone before either of you has really spoken.
Rotas at Medway Maritime Hospital
When one partner works shifts at the main hospital for the Medway Towns, days off rarely match, and the relationship can shrink to notes on the fridge and quick handovers.
A parent across the bridge
A mother in Strood or a father in Frindsbury who now needs daily help can quietly use up the time and patience a couple once kept for each other.
Two private rooms, one session
With the room in Hove 84 minutes away, you can each join from your own private space, at work or at home, as long as nobody else can overhear either of you.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Rochester
Should either of you want individual sessions as well, North Kent Mind's Fast Track service has qualified counsellors working face to face or online. Either partner can approach NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway for anxiety or low mood without a GP referral. RIVER family and friends support is there for a partner worried about drinking. If a child's struggles are part of the strain, Medway Therapeutic Alliance works with children and young people in Medway aged 5 to 18.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway0333 091 0414Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itMedway (RIVER) Treatment and Recovery Service0300 123 1560Free and confidential.
- Local organisationNorth Kent Mind Counselling & Therapy Services
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Local drop-in crisis support: Medway Safe Haven; Gillingham Safe Haven (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Rochester ask before starting
One of us works in London most days. Can we have couples counselling from Rochester on two screens?
Yes. From Rochester the sessions are by secure video anyway, because my room in Hove is about 84 minutes' drive away, so each of you can join from wherever you can talk privately: a meeting room at work, a parked car, the spare bedroom. Headphones help, and so does agreeing beforehand that neither of you will be interrupted. On my side you both appear on screen, and I run the hour as I would with you side by side.
Is there any free relationship help for couples near Rochester?
I don't know of a free couples service around Medway. For worry or low mood, either partner can use NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway alone. North Kent Mind runs low-cost counselling, and RIVER family and friends support helps a partner worried about drinking or drugs. If either of you feels unable to cope, Samaritans of Medway, Gravesham and Swale answer free on 116 123, day or night. Sessions with me can include both of you, or one.
My partner won't come. Is relationship counselling from Rochester still worth it for me alone?
Yes. Book your own free 15-minute call, and if we go ahead, we focus on the part of the pattern that belongs to you: what you do the moment the familiar row begins, what you have stopped asking for, and what you want now. A pattern between two people is held up by both of them, so your half is a real place to start. Should your partner choose to come in later, we'd first talk about bringing them in on equal terms.
How soon could a Rochester couple start, and what happens in the first session?
After the free call I'll be straight with you about which evening or daytime slots are open. When we first meet, each of you explains why you've come and what you hope will shift, and I ask about the practical shape of your week, including shifts and travel. Nobody is put on trial, and at the end you decide, together or separately, whether to book more.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
A first conversation, from one screen or two
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.