Maidstone · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Maidstone
If you and your partner in Maidstone keep ending up in the same argument, or you're the one who wants to talk while the other holds back, I offer relationship counselling for both situations. Sessions run over secure video from your own home, since my only room is in Hove, about 78 minutes' drive away. A 90-minute session gives both of you time to be heard.
The practical facts for Maidstone
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Maidstone by car
- About 78 minutes with clear roads (64.4 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Maidstone East, change at London Victoria for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway, 0333 091 0414
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Long hours in Maidstone, and little time left for each other
If one of you works at Maidstone Hospital on Hermitage Lane and the other in the leisure trade, which includes the town's night-time economy, your timetables may hardly meet.
When one of you finishes near midnight and the other leaves at seven, a house in Barming or a flat near Fremlin Walk can start to feel like somewhere you pass each other on the stairs. Children and money fill whatever time is left. If the only time you properly talk is over a drink, those may be the talks that go wrong. A walk round Mote Park might once have been enough to reset things between you. When it isn't any more, it can help to bring in a third person, someone who belongs to neither side and has no stake in who wins.
Inside a couples session with me
To begin with, you each get a turn at describing the trouble and what you want to be different, and I keep the louder voice from swamping the quieter one. I won't act as a judge or take sides. What I listen for is the cycle you both get pulled into: who pursues, who withdraws, what gets said in the heat of it and what each of you is asking for underneath. Seeing that cycle clearly gives the two of you something to work on together. In Maidstone the cycle may be tangled up with practical strain. One of you might be studying at University Centre Maidstone on top of a job, or bringing work home from County Hall, while the other holds the house together. If one of you looks after an ageing parent, the relationship can take the strain before anyone names it. If drink keeps turning up in the rows, we name the part it plays between you, and the Kenward Trust's support for friends, family and loved ones is there for the partner who worries. You're welcome whatever your relationship looks like, married or not, and whether you want to stay together or part well. If only one of you comes, we work with your side of the pattern.
Places you might feel stuck as a couple
Opposite ends of the clock
A shift on Hermitage Lane for one of you and a late close in the town centre for the other, until the house works as a handover point rather than a home.
When one of you is caring
Looking after a parent or relative can leave nothing over for each other. Imago runs the West Kent adult carers service if the carer needs support of their own.
Drinking between you
When one partner's drinking is the subject neither of you can raise calmly. Sessions give you a calmer place to raise it, and Al-Anon is there for the partner who worries.
Talking where nobody knows you
With the room 78 minutes away in Hove, sessions happen on your own sofa, well away from anyone you know in Bearsted, Allington or Penenden Heath.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Maidstone
Where one partner's drinking or drug use has become the argument you keep circling back to, the Kenward Trust runs support for friends, family and loved ones, and Al-Anon Family Groups, signposted by Kent County Council, support people affected by someone else's drinking. If one of you wants support of your own, Mid Kent Mind offers Affordable Counselling for individuals, though it isn't open to anyone already seeing another counsellor, so ask them how that applies to you.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway0333 091 0414Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itWest Kent community drug and alcohol service (Change, Grow, Live)0330 128 1113Run by Change Grow Live (CGL). Free and confidential.
- Local organisationImago - Kent Carers Support (West Kent adult carers service)
- Local organisationMid Kent Mind Affordable Counselling
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Locally, the Release the Pressure Helpline - Kent is on 0800 107 0160. Local drop-in crisis support: Kent and Medway Safe Havens (Mental Health Matters) (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Maidstone ask before starting
Is there free couples counselling in Maidstone?
I'm not aware of a free couples counselling service in Maidstone. There is other support nearby, though. A partner struggling with worry or depression can phone NHS Talking Therapies Kent and Medway, free, on 0333 091 0414, with no GP letter needed. If a partner's drinking is the issue, the Kenward Trust and Al-Anon support the people close to them. Mid Kent Mind's Affordable Counselling is for individuals rather than couples.
How do we get started from Maidstone, and do we have to travel?
One of you can ring on your own first, or you can both join the free 15-minute call, and either way we'll settle on a first session time. Sessions from Maidstone are normally by video, with the two of you in front of one screen somewhere private. If you're living apart at the moment, you can each join from your own device. Travelling to Hove is optional, and best kept for an occasional longer session.
My partner refuses to come. Can I have relationship counselling on my own?
Yes, and it's a real piece of work in its own right. We look at what happens between the two of you, what you bring to it, what you need, and how you might respond differently when the old pattern starts. If your partner later wants to come too, we'd plan how to bring them in on an equal footing.
One of us works evenings in Maidstone and we hardly see each other. Is that worth bringing to counselling?
Yes. When hospital shifts or late finishes in the town centre put you on different clocks, resentment can build without either of you meaning it to. In sessions we look at what each of you is missing, and at small, realistic ways to protect time together, starting with how you talk about it.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Start with a call, together or alone
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.