Bexleyheath · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Bexleyheath
Relationship counselling with me is for couples in Bexleyheath, Barnehurst and Welling who keep landing in the same argument, and for one partner who wants to start alone. We meet by secure video, sitting together at home or each from a separate screen, and 90 or 120-minute sessions give both of you time to be heard.
The practical facts for Bexleyheath
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Bexleyheath by car
- About 76 minutes with clear roads (63.2 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Bexleyheath, change at London Victoria for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Bexley Talking Therapies, 020 8303 8932 (option 1)
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Two timetables, one house and a shared diary
Bexleyheath station sends trains to three London termini, Victoria, Charing Cross and Cannon Street, and a couple here can end up living on two different clocks.
One of you leaves early for London and gets back after the children are asleep. The other does the school run, the shopping on the Broadway and the phone calls from an ageing parent in West Heath. Neither of you is idle, and both of you can feel unseen. Weekends fill up with whatever the week left over. Money adds its own weight, because a London commute and an outer London mortgage don't leave much slack. That doesn't have to mean the relationship is failing. It can mean most of your talk has turned into arrangements, and the real conversations happen on the stairs at eleven at night, when you're both too tired to be generous.
How couples work runs when you're both stretched
The first session is mostly listening. I ask each of you what you'd like to be different, and I ask the other to hear it without replying straight away, which takes more restraint than either of you will expect. I want to know how you met and what used to work, because that is often exactly what you're both missing. After that we take whatever is live, perhaps the row about whose mother needed a lift and the silence that followed it. My job is to keep things even-handed and to slow down the moment one of you starts defending instead of hearing. When one of you spends long days in London and the other holds things together at home, the arguments are often about load: who carries the remembering, who gets the evenings, who looks after a parent and who looks after the money. We look at that openly, without keeping score, and each of you is usually right about how hard your own half is. You don't have to arrive certain you want to stay. We can work towards repair, or towards separating carefully with your children kept out of the middle. If your partner won't come, you can start with sessions on your own, and that work counts in its own right.
What couples here are often carrying
Three termini, two timetables
When one of you lives by the trains to Cannon Street or Victoria and the other runs the house, you can both be worn out and each believe the other has it easier.
An ageing parent between you
Caring for an older relative strains a couple quietly. Carers' Support in Bexley and the Mind in Bexley Carers Service can back up whichever of you is doing most of it.
When one of you drinks
If a partner's drinking or drug use sits at the centre, the Pier Road Project supports families and friends, and in sessions we look at what it is doing to you both.
Teenagers changing the household
With children at secondary school, perhaps Bexleyheath Academy, arguments about curfews, screens and grades can turn into arguments about the two of you.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Bexleyheath
For support one of you can use individually, Counselling Matters Bexley is a low-cost counselling charity either of you could approach, and the Mind in Bexley Carers Service is there for anyone looking after a relative. If drinking is part of what's hurting the relationship, the Pier Road Project supports families and friends. Any of these can sit beside couples sessions with me.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Bexley Talking Therapies020 8303 8932 (option 1)Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itThe Pier Road Project (Bexley Drug and Alcohol Service)01322 357940Free and confidential.
- Local organisationCarers' Support (Bexley)
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
The South London NHS Mental Health Crisis WhatsApp Service () is another option: WhatsApp 0303 330 1511. Local drop-in crisis support: Bexley Crisis Cafe (Mind in Bexley) (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Bexleyheath ask before starting
Can we get couples counselling free anywhere in Bexley?
I can't point you to a free couples service in Bexley. NHS Bexley Talking Therapies, on 020 8303 8932, option 1, is for anxiety and low mood, so either of you could refer yourself if that is part of the picture. Counselling Matters Bexley is a low-cost local charity, and it is worth asking them what they can offer. Private couples sessions with me are another route.
One of us gets home late from London. Can we still have couples sessions from Bexleyheath?
Yes. Video lets you join from two places, one at home in Bexleyheath and one from somewhere private in town, as long as neither of you can be overheard. An evening slot helps if one of you is on a late train from Charing Cross or Cannon Street. When you can manage it, sitting together at one screen tends to feel closer.
How do we start relationship counselling from Bexleyheath if only one of us is keen?
The one who is keen can book the free 15-minute call alone. We talk about what is happening and whether inviting your partner makes sense now, later or not at all. Your partner can have a short call of their own before deciding. If they say no, you can still work on your side of the relationship with me.
My partner's mother in Welling needs daily care and it's pulling us apart. Could seeing someone together ease that strain?
Talking about it together gives you a place to say what the caring is costing each of you. When one of you is the person every call is for, the other can feel shut out, and the carer can feel completely alone. In sessions we look at how the load is shared and at what each of you has stopped saying about it. Carers' Support in Bexley can also help the partner who does the caring, in their own right.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
One short call, for one of you or both
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.