Lewisham · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Lewisham
This is relationship counselling for couples in Lewisham who can no longer talk about the hard things without it going wrong, and for anyone who wants to come alone while the other holds back. Sessions run by secure video, from one screen at home or from two separate rooms, because my only room is in Hove.
The practical facts for Lewisham
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Lewisham by car
- About 85 minutes with clear roads (65.5 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Lewisham, change at London Bridge for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- Lewisham Talking Therapies, 020 3228 1350
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Sharing a small home, six miles from Charing Cross
Lewisham is inner-suburban London, about six miles south-east of Charing Cross.
If the two of you share a one-bedroom flat near the town centre or half a converted house in Hither Green, there may be nowhere to cool off after a row, so the argument follows you from the kitchen to the bedroom. Money often sits underneath it: who pays more of the rent, whether you can afford to stay, whether one of you should take a job further out. Time is the other strain. One of you might leave early on the Southeastern line while the other works Saturdays in Lewisham Shopping Centre or on the market, or nights at University Hospital Lewisham. If one of you also looks after a parent in Catford or Lee Green, the relationship gets whatever is left by Sunday. Strain like this can wear down two people who still care about each other, largely because you so rarely get an unhurried hour together that isn't about arrangements.
Seeing you together, separately, or one of you alone
Couples work with me usually begins with both of you on the same call, and each of you gets time to describe, in your own words, what has gone wrong and what you'd like instead. Nobody gets marked as the problem here, and I won't be keeping a tally. After that, it can help to have one session with each of you on your own, so that things which are hard to say in front of a partner can be heard first, and then we come back together. What we're looking for is the loop you both know by heart: a remark about money or a late shift nobody mentioned, and the same two positions taken within seconds. Once you can both see the loop, we slow it down in the session and find out what each of you was actually asking for. Where one of you has become the main carer for a parent, or for the other, that gets its own time, because guilt and exhaustion seldom get said aloud. If trust has been broken, through an affair or debt kept quiet, we go at a speed you can both bear. You can be married or not, of any gender, newly together or decades in.
What wears Lewisham couples down
Nowhere to go after a row
In a one-bedroom flat near Lewisham town centre there's no spare room to cool off in, so arguments rarely finish. They simply pause until the morning.
Weekends that never line up
One of you working Saturdays in Lewisham Shopping Centre or on the street market, the other on weekday hours, and your days off never landing together.
Caring for a parent nearby
When one of you looks after a relative, Carers Lewisham supports the person doing the caring, and our sessions make room for what it costs the two of you.
When drinking starts the rows
If the rows keep circling back to how much one of you drinks or uses, Insight Lewisham's Family, Friends and Carers programme supports the partner living with it.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Lewisham
I can't name a free service in Lewisham that sees couples as a pair, but several can help one of you on your own. Lewisham Talking Therapies accepts people who refer themselves when anxiety or low mood is the problem. The Quaggy Development Trust runs its community counselling from the children's centre on Orchard Hill, seeing adults from Lewisham or Greenwich individually at low cost. Al-Anon Family Groups support anyone affected by a partner's drinking.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)Lewisham Talking Therapies020 3228 1350Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itNew Direction drug and alcohol recovery service (Lewisham)020 8314 5566Run by Change Grow Live (CGL). Free and confidential.
- Local organisationAl-Anon Family Groups UK & EireSupport for families and friends.
- Local organisationLewisham Outreach Service (Together for Mental Wellbeing), Lewisham VCSE Cooperative
- Local organisationSEL Mind Connect (Lewisham)South East London Mind team working inside South London and.
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
The South London NHS Mental Health Crisis Text Service (SLaM) is another option: WhatsApp 0303 330 1511 or text 80991.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Lewisham ask before starting
Can my partner and I get couples counselling free anywhere in Lewisham?
Not that I can name. The free services in the borough see people one at a time. If one of you is low or anxious and wants help separately, Lewisham Talking Therapies, part of South London and Maudsley's NHS services, can be contacted directly on 020 3228 1350, and Carers Lewisham supports anyone caring for a relative. Couples sessions with me are private and take place by video.
We share a small flat in Lewisham. How do video couples sessions work if we can't get any privacy?
You need a door that closes and nobody within earshot for the hour. If flatmates or children are home, you could pick a time when they're out, sit together in a parked car, or join from two separate places. A 90-minute session suits partners who need longer to settle. If privacy from each other is ever the worry, start with the safety information near the top of this page.
Would we ever need to travel from Lewisham to Hove for couples sessions?
No. It's about 85 minutes' drive, or by train via London Bridge, where you change, so the work runs by video. If meeting me face to face matters to you both, perhaps early on or at a turning point, a 120-minute session in Hove can be arranged, and everything else carries on online.
My partner in Lewisham won't come to couples counselling. Can I start on my own, and how soon?
Yes. On your own we look at your part in the pattern, what you want, and what you'll no longer go along with. After the free 15-minute call you'll know where my diary stands and how soon a weekly time could open. Should your partner decide to come later, we'd agree how to bring them in so they don't feel they're walking into a case already made against them.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Start with one short call, together or alone
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.