Fleet · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Fleet
Couples in Fleet, Church Crookham and Crookham Village can work with me side by side on one screen, from your own sofa, once the house is quiet. My room is in Hove, so from here this is video work, and either of you is welcome to begin on your own if the other isn't ready yet.
The practical facts for Fleet
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Fleet by car
- About 89 minutes with clear roads (74.6 miles); longer at busy times.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire, 023 8038 3920
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Two diaries, one house in Hart
In a commuter town, a couple can share a home and still live on different clocks.
One of you may be on a South Western Railway train to London Waterloo before the other is awake, while the other handles the school run to Court Moor or Calthorpe Park and a working day closer to home. By the time you're both in the same room, the evening is about tea, homework and who's emptying the dishwasher. Weekends are when you're meant to reconnect, a walk round Fleet Pond or along the Basingstoke Canal, and sometimes that's exactly when the row starts, because it's the first time there's space for it. Whether you're in Edenbrook, Elvetham Heath or Pondtail, a pattern like this says little about whether you're right for each other. It may simply mean there's been no time to talk about what matters, and the things left unsaid have been building up.
Keeping it fair when there are two of you
In couples work I try to be fair to both of you, and nobody is treated as the one with the problem. Early on I'll ask each of you how you see the problem, and I'll make sure the quieter partner gets as much room as the one who talks more. Then we look for the loop: what one of you does when you feel unheard, how the other reacts, and how that sets the first one off again. When one of you commutes, that loop can run to a timetable. The partner who has been on the Waterloo line all day comes in wanting quiet, the one who held the house together wants company, and both end up feeling short-changed. We'd look at what each of you needs in the first half hour after the door closes, and at what was different on the weeks that went better, so you have something to build on between sessions. When things heat up on screen, I'll slow it down. If trust has been broken, we take that at a pace you can both bear. If one of you needs support of your own, Talk Plus or Hart Voluntary Action's counselling can run alongside, and I'll say plainly if individual work would serve one of you better for now. The detail of my integrative approach is on the how-I-work page.
Knots a busy Fleet household can tie
Passing in the hallway
One of you leaves for the train before the other wakes, and evenings are all logistics. Closeness slips away without anyone deciding it should.
Arguments about fairness
Who does more at home, whose job comes first, who gave up what to move to Hart. Underneath there may be a need to feel seen.
Raising children around the train
Court Moor or Calthorpe Park mornings fall to whoever isn't commuting, and quiet resentment about who carries the family can build up on both sides.
When one of you drinks
If alcohol has become part of most evenings, or most rows, we can look at what it is doing to each of you. Inclusion Recovery Hampshire offers free help too.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Fleet
If one of you is struggling with anxiety, low mood or stress, Talk Plus offers free talking therapies to people with a Fleet GP. Hart Voluntary Action's 121 Adult Counselling offers free individual sessions to Hart adults. Parent Support Link (PSL) is a family support charity, and Inclusion Recovery Hampshire is the free service if drinking or drugs are involved. If either of you is caring for a relative, the Hampshire Carers Support Service can help.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire023 8038 3920Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itInclusion Recovery Hampshire0300 124 0103Free and confidential.
- Local organisationAndover Mind - Hart and Rushmoor Wellbeing CentreMental health charity.
- Local organisationThe Princess Royal Trust for Carers in Hampshire (Hampshire Carers Support Service)
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
In this area you can also text HANTS to 85258. Locally, the Surrey and Borders Partnership NHS Foundation Trust Mental Health Crisis Helpline is on 0800 915 4644. Local drop-in crisis support: Aldershot Safe Haven (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Fleet ask before starting
Can we do couples counselling from Fleet without driving to Hove?
Yes, and from Fleet it's the sensible way to do it. The two of you share a laptop side by side, somewhere private, and we talk much as we would in a room. It saves you a long drive, and it makes it easier to keep sessions regular around work and children.
Is there free relationship counselling in Hart?
The free local routes I can point you to are for individuals. Talk Plus offers free talking therapies to people registered with a Fleet GP, for anxiety, low mood and stress, and Hart Voluntary Action's 121 Adult Counselling offers adults in Hart up to 10 free weekly sessions. Either can support one partner alongside couples work.
How do we start couples counselling when one of us works in London all week?
Video makes it simpler, because neither of you has to travel to Hove, so a session can start soon after the commuting partner gets in. We'd open with a free 15-minute call, made by one of you alone or with you sitting side by side, and use it to find a regular slot that suits both your Fleet weeks and settle how often to meet.
What if counselling shows us we want to separate?
That can happen. If you decide to part, sessions can be a place to do it as carefully as you can, talk about how to tell children, and work out how to keep co-parenting from Fleet without every conversation turning into the old argument. I won't push you towards staying or leaving. That decision belongs to the two of you.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Book a free call, together or on your own
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.