Farnham · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Farnham
If you and your partner live in Farnham and the same disagreement keeps coming round, or the house has gone polite and quiet, we can work on it together by secure video. The only room I use is in Hove, a long way from here, so sessions come to you. Either of you can also begin on your own.
The practical facts for Farnham
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Farnham by car
- About 84 minutes with clear roads (69.5 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Farnham, change at Guildford and Gatwick Airport for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- Mind Matters Surrey, 0300 330 5450
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
When the whole town knows you as a pair
Farnham is a market town where couples tend to be known together: at the Maltings and by the same handful of friends from Hale to Rowledge.
That is one of its comforts, and it can make trouble at home hard to name, because seeing someone locally can feel like being found out. Weeks here are often split down the middle. One of you may be on the trains to London Waterloo via Woking, leaving early and back after dark, while the other's working day stays in town or heads out towards Alton. By Friday you have barely overlapped. If one of you is on a course or a contract with the University for the Creative Arts, the academic year adds its own pull, with long stretches of deadlines and then sudden quiet. Add a parent who needs more help each month, and conversation can shrink to who is collecting whom, and when.
What happens when you both sit down with me
I won't be deciding which of you is right. My part is to slow the conversation down until each of you can hear what the other is actually saying. We usually start with one recent argument, small enough to look at closely, such as a row that started the minute one of you got in from the station. Traced carefully, it tends to show the pattern underneath, who pushes and who retreats, and what each of you fears in that moment. Then we practise doing that moment differently, in the session first and at home afterwards. Sometimes only one of you wants to come, and that is still worth doing: you can look at your own side of the pattern, and your partner can join later or not at all. If you have already decided to part, sessions can give you a place to work out how, with the children in mind if you have them. Couples work also rests on both of you feeling safe. If either of you is frightened of the other, joint sessions are not the right place, and the safety section further down this page explains what to do instead.
Where the strain shows in a Farnham week
Opposite ends of the line
One of you takes the Waterloo train via Woking before it is light, the other works in town or towards Alton, and the week has almost no shared hours.
Friends you both share
In a market town your social life is usually joint, so it can feel impossible to tell anyone local that things between the two of you are not right.
Graduation pulls you apart
When one of you finishes a UCA course and work draws you to different towns, video lets you both take part from two places.
An ageing parent nearby
When a parent in Farnham needs more each month, one partner usually carries most of it. Action for Carers Surrey can support that partner in their own right.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Farnham
I don't know of free couples counselling in Farnham itself, but help for each of you as individuals can still ease a relationship. If worry or a low patch is dragging one of you down, the NHS Talking Therapies service named below accepts referrals straight from you. Action for Carers Surrey supports whoever is doing the caring, and Cruse Bereavement Support - South West Surrey helps after a death in the family.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)Mind Matters Surrey0300 330 5450Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of iti-access0300 222 5932Free and confidential.
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Locally, the Surrey and Borders Partnership NHS FT Mental Health Crisis Helpline is on 0800 915 4644.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Farnham ask before starting
Can we have couples counselling from Farnham if we now live in different places?
Yes. On video you can each join from wherever you are, as long as you are somewhere private, and I keep the turns even so neither of you gets talked over. That can help if one of you moved away after university, works away during the week, or you have separated and need to talk through what happens next.
Is there anywhere in Farnham offering free relationship counselling?
None that I know of for certain. What is free locally is support for each of you on your own: the NHS Talking Therapies service listed in the free-support section takes self-referrals for anxiety or low mood, and Action for Carers Surrey helps whoever is doing the caring. If a son or daughter aged 11 to 25 is struggling, Headroom Charity offers free counselling to them and support to you as parents.
Would it be awkward seeing a couples counsellor when half of Farnham knows us?
It's a fair worry in a town this size. Working by video with someone outside the town means there's no local waiting room, and I don't move in your circles. What you say stays between the three of us, apart from the rare safety limits I explain at the very start.
How soon could we start, and can one of us begin first?
It depends on my diary, and on the free 15-minute call I'll say plainly how soon a regular slot can open. With one of you possibly on the Waterloo line, we'd pick an hour both your weeks can hold. If only one of you is ready, you can begin alone, and your partner can join later if they choose.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Book a first call, together or on your own
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.