Farnborough · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Farnborough
If the two of you in Farnborough keep having the same argument, or have almost stopped talking, I offer couples counselling by secure video. My only room is in Hove, so from here you'd join side by side from one sofa, or from two different places if work keeps you apart. Either of you can also start alone.
The practical facts for Farnborough
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Farnborough by car
- About 85 minutes with clear roads (71.8 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Farnborough North, change at Gatwick Airport for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire, 023 8038 3920
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Two stations, two directions, one kitchen table
Farnborough has three railway stations, and a couple can end up using different ones.
One of you might leave from Farnborough Main on a South Western Railway train to London Waterloo, while the other goes from Farnborough North on Great Western Railway, or works nearer home at Farnborough Airport or on Cody Technology Park. The Blackwater Valley towns run into each other, so a single week can be spread across Aldershot, Camberley and Frimley without ever feeling settled in one place. Add a teenager at The Sixth Form College, or a parent who needs a little more help each year, and the time that belongs to the two of you can shrink to a few tired sentences in the hallway. Then a row about the bins or the calendar flares up, and underneath it one or both of you is feeling alone inside the relationship. Drifting like that, whether you live in Cove, Southwood or North Camp, doesn't mean the two of you have failed.
Fair to both of you, even across two screens
In couples sessions my job is to be fair to you both. I won't rule on who is right, and I'll make sure the partner who finds it harder to speak gets as much room as the one who finds it easy. We begin by mapping the argument you keep having: what sets it off, what each of you does next, and how each move keeps the other going. Video also gives you a choice about where each of you sits. If you live together, you can share one laptop. If work takes one of you away for part of the week, or you've already separated and need to talk about what happens next, you can each join from a different place, and I'll hold the turns so nobody talks over the other. Sometimes only one partner is ready. You can begin on your own and work on what you bring to the argument, and your partner can join later if they choose. Where caring for a parent or a child with extra needs is part of the strain, the Hampshire Carers Support Service can support whichever of you carries most of it. If the sessions make it clear you'd be better apart, we can use them to separate with as little damage as possible, especially where there are children.
What can pull a Farnborough couple apart
Different platforms, different days
One of you on the Waterloo trains from Farnborough Main, the other heading out from Farnborough North or working locally, so your weeks hardly overlap.
A life spread across the valley
Aldershot, Camberley and Frimley run into Farnborough across the Blackwater Valley. When your week is scattered between them, home can turn into the place you only sleep.
Caring, and who carries it
When a parent or child needs more and more, one partner usually ends up carrying more, and the other may not see how much it costs.
A teenager on the way out
When a son or daughter is finishing at The Sixth Form College, old disagreements about money, parenting and what the two of you are for can come back to the surface.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Farnborough
No free service I know of for Farnborough sees couples together, but each can help one of you. A partner who is struggling with worry or low mood can refer themselves to NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire, which is free. Andover Mind's Hart and Rushmoor Wellbeing Centre runs groups for registered residents, the Hampshire Carers Support Service helps whoever does the caring, and adults in crisis can walk in at Aldershot Safe Haven on evenings and weekends.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire023 8038 3920Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itInclusion Recovery Hampshire0300 124 0103Free and confidential.
- Local organisationParent Support Link (PSL)
- Local organisationThe Princess Royal Trust for Carers in Hampshire (Hampshire Carers Support Service)
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
In this area you can also text HANTS to 85258. Locally, the Surrey and Borders Partnership NHS Foundation Trust Mental Health Crisis Helpline is on 0800 915 4644. Local drop-in crisis support: Aldershot Safe Haven (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Farnborough ask before starting
Can we have couples counselling from Farnborough if one of us works away during the week?
Yes. Couples work from Farnborough runs by video anyway, since the Hove room is about 85 minutes' drive away, and on video you don't have to share a room. Each of you can join from wherever you are, as long as you're somewhere private. I'll keep the turns fair so it doesn't become two people talking past each other on a screen. On the weeks you're both home in Farnborough, you can sit together at one laptop.
Is there free relationship support near Farnborough?
Not for a couple as a pair, as far as I know. For anxiety or low mood, either of you can contact NHS Talking Therapies Hampshire directly on 023 8038 3920. Residents of Hart and Rushmoor can also sign up for groups at the Andover Mind wellbeing centre in Aldershot. Private couples sessions can run alongside either.
How soon could we start, and do we both need to be on the first call?
Either one of you or both of you can join the free 15-minute call. If we agree to go ahead, I'll tell you plainly when my next regular slot is, and we'll choose a time that suits whoever gets home to Farnborough last. Sessions can run for 60, 90 or 120 minutes, and the longer ones suit couples who find an hour ends just as things open up.
My partner won't come. Is it worth starting on my own from Farnborough?
It can be. On your own, you can look at your half of the pattern: what you do when you feel ignored or criticised, and how you'd rather respond. When one person changes their part, the other often responds differently too. If your partner decides to join later, we'll agree how to keep things even after your head start.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Find an hour you can both keep
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.