Reigate · in person in Hove or online
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Reigate
If you and your partner in Reigate have drifted into running a household side by side without really talking, couples counselling gives you a regular hour where each of you is heard in turn. We can meet by secure video, on one screen or two, or now and then in my room in Hove. Either of you can make the first move.
The practical facts for Reigate
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Reigate by car
- About 51 minutes with clear roads (39.7 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Reigate, change at Gatwick Airport for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- Mind Matters Surrey, 0300 330 5450
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Separate clocks in a Reigate house
In a commuter-belt town, two people can share a house and still live on separate clocks.
One of you might catch an early train towards London while the other works in town, and by evening you meet in the kitchen with nothing left to give. Weekends fill up with whatever the week pushed aside. Then other pressures arrive. A parent in Wray Park starts needing help with shopping and appointments, and it falls mostly to one of you. A reorganisation puts one salary in doubt, and money becomes the argument underneath every other argument. The walks across Reigate Heath, out past the windmill, where talking used to happen without effort, quietly stop. None of this means you chose the wrong person. Two tired people can spend years coping side by side, each assuming the other is fine, until neither knows where the other one is.
What a joint session asks of each of you
A first session together begins with each of you saying, without interruption, what has gone wrong and what you would hate to lose. I don't take sides or keep a tally. We look for the sequence that keeps repeating. Perhaps one of you raises the hard subject at the worst possible moment, the other closes it down, and you both walk away feeling unheard. We slow that sequence until the feeling underneath can be said out loud, whether it's loneliness, fear about money or resentment about who carries the caring. When an ageing parent is involved, the partner doing most of it can get support of their own from Action for Carers Surrey, while our sessions look at what it's doing to the two of you. You may want to find each other again, or to part with less bitterness, and I'll work with either aim. If only one of you is willing to come, sessions on your own side of the pattern are still worthwhile. Joint work isn't safe where one partner is afraid of the other. If that's true for you, the safety information further down lists where to turn.
Where Reigate couples come under strain
London trains and local desks
One partner on the rail corridor towards London, the other at Woodhatch Place or a London Road head office, each privately sure their own day was the harder one.
A parent who needs more
When an older parent's needs land mainly on one of you, Action for Carers Surrey can support that partner, and joint sessions look at the strain it puts on you both.
Grieving the same death differently
After a death in the family, one of you may want to talk while the other keeps busy. Cruse Bereavement Support - Surrey East can help with the grief, and joint sessions look at the gap it opens.
When the sixth-form years end
As your youngest finishes at Reigate College and moves on, the house goes quiet, and you may find you'd been talking mostly about the children.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Reigate
Reigate Community Counselling Centre is the local option to weigh against private couples work. It sees couples face to face in the town on sliding-scale fees, though it can't offer crisis care. Mind Matters Surrey is free on the NHS and open to self-referral if either of you wants help alone with worry or a low patch. Joint sessions with me can sit alongside either.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)Mind Matters Surrey0300 330 5450Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of iti-access0300 222 5932Free and confidential.
- Local organisationEast Surrey Community Connections (Waythrough)Community mental wellbeing support, ages 16+, East Surrey.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Locally, the Surrey and Borders Partnership NHS FT Mental Health Crisis Helpline is on 0800 915 4644.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Reigate ask before starting
How soon could we start couples counselling from Reigate, and do we both have to be on the first call?
You don't both have to be there. Whoever is ready first can book the free 15-minute call, and the other is welcome to ask their own questions before agreeing to anything, so neither of you feels signed up by the other. On that call I'll be clear about when I could offer you a regular time. If your partner isn't ready at all, you can begin alone and look at your half of what keeps happening between you.
Is there a local charity offering couples counselling in Reigate?
In the town, the low-cost route for couples is Reigate Community Counselling Centre, a not-for-profit that sees couples as well as individuals, sets fees on a sliding scale and works face to face; free couples counselling is rarely available locally, so this is usually the most affordable option. For either of you on your own, Mind Matters Surrey gives free NHS support when anxiety or low mood is the issue, and you can refer yourself on 0300 330 5450.
Is it worth driving down to Hove together from Reigate, or should we stay on video?
Both can work. The drive is about 51 minutes each way in clear traffic, so a joint session in Hove takes up most of a morning or an evening. One workable pattern is video most weeks, with a 90-minute or 120-minute session in the room every month or so, when a neutral space away from home would help. We'd close those longer sessions carefully, with the drive back in mind.
Caring for my mother in Reigate is coming between us. Is that something to bring to couples counselling?
Yes. When one partner becomes the main carer, the other can feel shut out while the carer feels unsupported, and both often stay quiet so as not to seem selfish. Sessions give you room to say that without blame and to look again at how the load is shared. Action for Carers Surrey supports carers in their own right, so the partner doing most of it has somewhere to turn too.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Make room for a conversation you both join
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.