Dorking · in person in Hove or online
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Dorking
For couples in Dorking and the villages around it, I offer relationship counselling by secure video, together on one screen or from two separate places, and in person in Hove for anyone willing to make the drive. You don't need to be in crisis, or to agree on what's wrong, and either of you can begin alone.
The practical facts for Dorking
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Dorking by car
- About 54 minutes with clear roads (38.1 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Dorking Deepdene, change at Gatwick Airport for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- Mind Matters Surrey, 0300 330 5450
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
One London week, one weekend shift
If one of you takes the train from Dorking to London Victoria or Waterloo, the day starts early and finishes late, because none of the services run fast.
If the other works in the town's visitor trade, at Denbies Wine Estate or somewhere around Box Hill and Polesden Lacey, that work may well fall on the very weekends the commuter has free. Add a parent who needs looking in on in Westcott or Brockham, or a teenager who needs a lift to everything, and a whole week can pass without one unhurried conversation. Then the talking happens in snatches: in the car, at the end of a long evening, or not at all. Small grievances get stored up and go unsaid. Two people can run a household side by side like this for years and gradually stop meeting each other inside it, without either of them having failed.
Sitting down together, or starting on your own
In a first couples session each of you gets time to say what has brought you here, and I make sure neither of you is talked over. I'm not there to take sides or keep a tally. What I listen for is the loop you both get caught in: one of you pushes for a conversation, the other goes quiet, and the quiet is heard as not caring. Once you can both see the loop, you have something to work on together besides each other's faults. For a Dorking couple the practical side matters as much. If your days off never line up, we look for a regular slot that survives a weekend rota and a late train, even if it means one of you joins from work while the other is at home. Joining from two separate places is less than ideal, though it can stop a session being lost in a hard week. Coming alone is also an option. If your partner won't join, we look at your side of the pattern and what you want, and the door stays open for them. Couples of any make-up are welcome, married or not, and so are couples deciding whether to separate, where the aim is to do it with less damage, particularly with children at home watching closely. If a partner's drinking is part of the strain, that belongs in the room too.
Pressure points for couples in and around Dorking
Days off that never meet
One of you works weekends in the visitor trade around Denbies Wine Estate or Box Hill, the other commutes on weekdays, and shared time shrinks to almost nothing.
Home after the children's bedtime
With no express trains from Dorking, a London job can mean walking in after bedtime, while the partner at home has carried the whole evening alone.
Caring for an ageing parent
When one of you looks in on a parent most days, the couple comes last. Action for Carers Surrey supports the carer, and our sessions look at the two of you.
When drink sits between you
A partner's drinking that you row about, or that nobody mentions. i-access offers information and carers support to family members, alongside the work we do together.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Dorking
I can't name a free couples service in Dorking, but several pressures on a couple have free help. Mind Matters Surrey offers NHS Talking Therapies to either of you for anxiety or low mood. Action for Carers Surrey supports anyone caring for a relative, and i-access helps families where a partner's drinking or drug use is the problem. If a teenager is struggling, Heads Together Counselling in Dorking is free for ages 11 to 24, so it's for them rather than you.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)Mind Matters Surrey0300 330 5450Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of iti-access0300 222 5932Free and confidential.
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Locally, the Surrey and Borders Partnership NHS FT Mental Health Crisis Helpline is on 0800 915 4644.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Dorking ask before starting
Is there couples counselling in Dorking itself, or would we have to travel?
Not with me, since my only room is in Hove, roughly 54 minutes away by car, so weekly sessions from Dorking would usually happen by video, with the two of you sharing a screen at home. For the times you'd both rather meet face to face, a longer session in Hove every so often makes the trip worthwhile, and you can mix the two.
Our shifts in Dorking never line up. Can we still fit in couples counselling?
Very likely. On the free call we compare both your weeks with the times I have available. Video helps, because neither of you adds a trip to Hove to an already long day, and on a bad week you can even join from two places. If no regular time fits you both, I'll say so plainly instead of stretching you, and tell you roughly when that might change.
My partner flatly refuses to come. Is it worth starting relationship counselling from Dorking alone?
Yes. A good deal of relationship work begins with one person. We look at what happens between you from your side: what you've tried, what you need, and what you could change in how you respond. Your partner can join later if they choose. If you're frightened of them, please read the safety section on this page before anything else, because joint sessions wouldn't be right.
Is there any free support for couples in Mole Valley?
Not a dedicated couples service that I can name. If anxiety or low mood is weighing on either of you, Mind Matters Surrey offers NHS Talking Therapies without a GP referral, on 0300 330 5450. Mary Frances Trust runs Community Connections wellbeing groups in Mole Valley, and if looking after a relative is part of the strain, Action for Carers Surrey supports carers.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Find an hour that belongs to the two of you
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.