Ashford, Surrey · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Ashford, Surrey
If the two of you in Ashford mostly pass in the hallway, one heading out before dawn and the other coming in off a late train, couples counselling gives you a protected hour to talk properly. Sessions run over secure video, sharing one screen at home or joining from two different places, and either of you can also start alone.
The practical facts for Ashford, Surrey
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Ashford, Surrey by car
- About 77 minutes with clear roads (64.3 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Ashford (Surrey), change at Clapham Junction for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- Mind Matters Surrey, 0300 330 5450
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
A household running on two clocks
An Ashford home can run on two clocks at once.
With Heathrow about 2.5 miles to the north, one partner's work may be tied to the airport, and then the week turns on early starts, runs of nights and a rota that changes before you've learned it. The other might take the South Western Railway train to Waterloo, or drive out to a job in the Thames Valley, keeping office hours that never line up with the rota. One of you sleeps through the afternoon while the other keeps the children quiet. Arrangements get made by text, and days off land on different days. If a parent has started to need you, or a teenager at Thomas Knyvett College or St James Senior Boys School is having a hard year, what little shared time is left goes there first. Neither of you planned it, and the shared evenings that once held slow, easy conversation have been spent elsewhere.
What we do with the hour you've both kept
At the start, I give each of you room to say, uninterrupted and in your own words, what you hope will change and what you'd hate to lose. My role is to keep it fair for you both, without ruling on who is right. We look for the sequence you keep repeating. Perhaps one of you comes off a night shift needing quiet, the other has saved the whole day's news for that moment, and within minutes it has turned into the old argument about who does more. Seeing the sequence together, from the outside, gives you both a chance to step out of it sooner. Between sessions you might try one small change, such as a single question you always ask each other on a shared day off. On video, the two of you can sit together at home, or one can join from home while the other logs in from a private room somewhere else, on a day when a rota keeps you apart. Should your partner decline, starting alone still counts, because your part in the pattern is yours to change. If you're afraid of your partner, joint sessions aren't safe or suitable, and the domestic abuse section further down explains safer routes.
Where Ashford couples lose each other's hours
Opposite ends of the day
An early start tied to Heathrow on one side, a late train back from Waterloo on the other, and a relationship carried on mostly through notes and messages.
Days off that never match
Rotas that rarely give you the same free day, so plans with each other keep being postponed until neither of you suggests them any more.
Caring for someone between you
A parent who needs more help, or a partner whose health has changed, can turn the two of you into colleagues. Action for Carers Surrey supports whoever is doing the caring.
One worried, one insisting it's fine
When one of you thinks the drinking has gone too far and the other doesn't, Surrey's i-access service supports relatives as well, alongside the work we do together.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Ashford
I don't know of a free couples service for Spelthorne, so the free routes here support each of you as individuals. Mind Matters Surrey will hear from either partner directly if worry or low mood is weighing on them. Action for Carers Surrey backs up whoever has become a carer, and i-access gives the relatives of a heavy drinker or drug user support of their own. Joint sessions with me don't replace or block any of them.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)Mind Matters Surrey0300 330 5450Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of iti-access0300 222 5932Free and confidential.
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Locally, the Surrey and Borders Partnership NHS FT Mental Health Crisis Helpline is on 0800 915 4644.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Ashford, Surrey ask before starting
Our shifts around Heathrow never line up. How would couples counselling fit in from Ashford?
On the free 15-minute call we compare your rotas and look for a time that keeps coming round, even if it isn't the same day each week. When overlaps are rare, a longer 90-minute session on the days you do share can work well. If one of you is away from home, you can each join on your own device from somewhere private, and I'll be straight about how long a regular slot might take to open.
Is there free relationship support for couples in Spelthorne?
I don't know of a free service in Spelthorne set up for couples. Each of you can ring Mind Matters Surrey, Surrey's free route into NHS Talking Therapies, on 0300 330 5450 when worry or a low patch is part of the strain. If one of you now cares for the other, or for a parent, Action for Carers Surrey offers support. Both fit around couples sessions.
Do we have to travel from Ashford to Hove to see you together?
No. Hove is a 77-minute drive from Ashford, and going by rail means a change at Clapham Junction, which is a great deal for two people to fit in every week. Couples work from Ashford runs by secure video. A single longer session in person can be arranged if you'd both like to meet me, but it is entirely optional.
One of us works nights near the airport and is always exhausted. Is it worth starting now?
It can be, provided we choose the time with care. A session straight after a night shift rarely goes well, so we'd look for a point in the rota when you're both reasonably rested. Exhaustion often sits at the centre of the arguments, and naming what the shift pattern costs each of you belongs in the sessions.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
A short call, booked by either of you
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.