Southampton · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Southampton
When conversations at home in Southampton keep ending in the same row, or have stopped happening at all, couples counselling sets aside an hour each week for the two of you to untangle it with someone outside the house. I work from Hove, 86 minutes away by car, so from Southampton we'd usually meet on secure video, together or from separate rooms. You can also begin alone.
The practical facts for Southampton
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Southampton by car
- About 86 minutes with clear roads (61.2 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- Direct trains from Southampton Central to Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- NHS Talking Therapies Southampton, 0800 612 7000
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Two rotas, one kitchen table
In Southampton it's common for two people to live by two different clocks.
One of you might work turnaround days at the port, where around three million cruise passengers a year come and go through five terminals, while the other keeps office hours at Ordnance Survey or BBC South. If either of you works at Southampton General Hospital, nights and weekends on the ward can leave the relationship running on notes stuck to the fridge. Couples who met at the University of Southampton or Solent University may have stayed on in the city with no family nearby to share the load. Then there's money, children, caring for an older parent, and the small daily frictions that pile up when nobody has energy left to talk properly. By the time you sit down together it's late, you're both tired, and the conversation you need gets put off once more.
What couples counselling looks like from Southampton
Both of you are heard for the same length of time, and what I'm watching for is the loop you both get stuck in, which matters more than who threw the first word. Often that's a cycle where one partner presses and the other goes quiet, or a single subject, like money or time away, that every disagreement drifts back to. Shift patterns matter here: if one of you sleeps while the other is awake, resentment can build without a single argument being had. Caring adds its own weight, and if one of you looks after a parent, Unpaid Carers Support Southampton can support that partner directly while we work on the relationship. When one partner's drinking sits at the centre, the worried partner can get help of their own alongside our sessions. Sometimes one of you is ready and the other isn't. Coming by yourself is fine; we'd explore how you respond inside the cycle, and the door stays open for your partner. Couples work only makes sense when you both feel safe at home, and if you're frightened of the person you live with, read the safety information on this page before anything else.
Pressures Southampton couples bring home
When the port sets the hours
Turnaround days at the cruise terminals and early starts at the docks can leave one partner absent at exactly the times the household needs them most.
Sleeping in shifts
Rotas at Southampton General Hospital or the Princess Anne can mean one of you sleeping by day, with real conversation squeezed into the gaps.
Caring for a parent
Looking after someone with ill health changes a couple's balance. Unpaid Carers Support Southampton offers carers assessments and events alongside the work we do together.
Settled here, family elsewhere
If you came to Southampton to study or for work and stayed, there may be no grandparents close by, so every strain lands on the two of you.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Southampton
Free support in Southampton is mostly for individuals, and either of you can use it alongside couples sessions. For anxious or low spells, NHS Talking Therapies Southampton can be phoned directly on 0800 612 7000. Unpaid Carers Support Southampton helps a partner who is caring for someone, Solent Mind supports wider mental health, and Samaritans Southampton and District will listen by phone.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)NHS Talking Therapies Southampton0800 612 7000Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itSSJ&IRun by The Society of St James, in partnership with Inclusion. Free and confidential.
- Local organisationThe Lighthouse, Bitterne and Shirley
- Local organisationParent Support Link (PSL)
- Local organisationMountbatten Hampshire counselling and bereavement support
- Local organisationThe White Lily CentreBereavement support centre in Bitterne, low-cost or fee-paying.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Local drop-in crisis support: Safe Haven Southampton (No Limits, young people 11-25) (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Southampton ask before starting
Could the two of us come to sessions in person from Southampton?
Sitting in the room with me means travelling to Intergen House in Hove, roughly 86 minutes by car from Southampton or a direct Southern train via Worthing. For regular sessions, secure video is normally much easier on two busy diaries. Should you both want the room itself, a longer session in Hove now and then is possible.
Our shifts in Southampton barely overlap. Can we still be seen together on one call?
Yes, if we can find an hour you can both keep. Video helps: one of you can join from home and the other from a quiet room before or after a shift, so long as nobody else can overhear either of you. If rotas at the hospital or the port change from week to week, we can agree a pattern that bends with them.
Which free services in Southampton could help us as well?
The free services listed for the city are for individuals, so each of you could use them alongside couples work. Either of you can contact NHS Talking Therapies Southampton about anxiety or low mood, and Unpaid Carers Support Southampton supports a partner who cares for someone. Solent Mind offers wider mental health support across Southampton.
Can I come on my own if my partner in Southampton isn't ready?
Yes. In solo sessions, perhaps on video between port or hospital shifts, you can look at how you react when the two of you clash, the words you swallow, and the partnership you still hope for. A change on one side often shifts the dynamic between you, and your partner is welcome to join later if they decide to. Fear of your partner changes everything, and the safety section here is then the right first stop.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Book one call, as a couple or on your own
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.