Eltham · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Eltham
If you and your partner keep having the same row, or have quietly stopped having rows at all, couples counselling gives you an hour in which both of you are heard. My room is in Hove, 77 minutes' drive from Eltham, so sessions from SE9 usually run on secure video, even with the two of you in separate places.
The practical facts for Eltham
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Eltham by car
- About 77 minutes with clear roads (62.4 miles); longer at busy times.
- By train
- From Eltham, change at London Victoria for trains towards Brighton and Hove.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- Greenwich Time to Talk, 020 3260 1100
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Two commutes and one front door in SE9
Eltham has no Underground, so a working week usually begins on one of two suburban rail lines into central London, and both run at or above capacity at the peak.
When both of you make that trip, from Eltham station on the Bexleyheath line or from New Eltham and Mottingham on the Dartford loop, you may only meet properly after a delayed train home, with energy left for nothing but logistics. When one of you commutes and the other holds the house together, the days can start to feel lopsided, and resentment builds without a word said. Add a new baby, a parent who needs looking after, or a bill nobody wants to open, and small disagreements start to carry far more than they should. Weekends offer Eltham Palace, Avery Hill Park and the gardens of Well Hall Pleasaunce, yet a walk together rarely shifts a pattern that has been years in the making.
What happens when you both sit down to talk
In the first session each of you gets equal time to say what brought you here and what you are uneasy about. I do not take sides. What I listen for is the loop: who reaches out, who pulls back, and what each of you hears in the other's tone after a long day on the trains. Once the loop has a name, we can slow it down while it plays out between you, and find the request hidden inside the complaint. There is practical work too. That might mean agreeing how you greet each other when one of you gets in late, how to raise something hard without it landing as blame, or how to protect one evening a week from talk of school runs and bills. Caring for a parent or a sick partner, or the arrival of a baby, gets its own space, because tiredness on both sides is rarely spoken about fairly. After an affair or hidden debt, rebuilding trust takes longer, and we go at a pace you can both bear. If only one of you is willing to come, individual sessions about the relationship are welcome too. Partners of any gender, married, engaged or simply living together, are equally welcome.
Strains on Eltham couples worth naming
Passing each other in the hallway
With no Underground in SE9 and packed Southeastern trains at the peak, two commutes can leave a couple sharing a house and very little else by Friday.
A new baby, two tired parents
Perinatal Counselling at Vista Field Children's Centre, from the Quaggy service, offers short low-cost support that includes partners, and couples sessions with me can sit beside it.
Money talk that turns into rows
Citizens Advice at the Eltham Centre on Archery Road can help untangle the figures, while our sessions look at why money conversations between you go wrong so quickly.
Two screens, one session
Should the Bexleyheath line run late, the partner still in town joins from a private room there, the other logs on in SE9, and the session goes ahead on two screens.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Eltham
Free help in the borough mostly supports one of you at a time. Greenwich Time to Talk, the NHS Talking Therapies service whose therapists are based at Wensley Close in Eltham, helps with anxiety or low mood. South East London Mind and Greenwich Carers Centre offer support of their own, and couples sessions with me can happen side by side with whichever one helps.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)Greenwich Time to Talk020 3260 1100Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itVia Greenwich0300 303 4552Free and confidential.
- Local organisationCruse Bereavement Support - GreenwichBereavement support.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
The South London NHS Mental Health Crisis WhatsApp Service is another option: WhatsApp 0303 330 1511.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Eltham ask before starting
Is there any free couples counselling in Eltham?
Free services in the Royal Borough of Greenwich mainly see individuals. Greenwich Time to Talk, whose therapists work from Wensley Close in Eltham, lets either partner refer themselves on 020 3260 1100 for anxiety or low mood. New parents can look at Perinatal Counselling at Vista Field Children's Centre, which is open to partners as well. Couples work with me can sit next to either service, so individual help for one of you need not pause the joint hour.
One of us commutes into London and gets home late. Can couples sessions still work from Eltham?
Yes. Because we meet by video, a late train does not cancel the hour; the partner still travelling can join from a quiet room at work while the other logs in at home. Book a short first call and I will tell you which regular evening or early slots are free, so you can start without a long wait.
Is it worth both of us travelling from Eltham to Hove for a session?
Now and then it can be. The drive is around 77 minutes, or a train into Victoria and a change for Brighton, so a weekly trip is a lot for two people to protect. An occasional longer session in Hove, booked well ahead, gives you an unhurried room together, with the regular work carrying on over video.
My partner's drinking is behind most of our arguments. Should we come as a couple?
Joint sessions can help when you both want them and both feel safe. Via Greenwich supports family, friends and carers of someone who drinks or uses, and Al-Anon UK is there for people affected by a partner's drinking. If you ever feel afraid of your partner, start with the safety information on this page rather than couples work.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Talk it through together, from Eltham
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.