Soho · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Soho
When one of you finishes a late service on Dean Street and the other is up early for an edit, couples counselling gives you a protected hour to hear each other. Since Hove sits about 101 minutes' drive from the West End, joint sessions take place on secure video, from one screen or two, and a trip to the Hove room is an occasional extra. One of you may also begin on your own.
The practical facts for Soho
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Soho by car
- About 101 minutes with clear roads (54.3 miles); longer at busy times.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- Westminster Talking Therapies, 030 3333 0000
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Two diaries that rarely meet in W1
Soho's working life runs on hours that suit almost everyone except couples.
Theatres, restaurants and jazz clubs keep staff on until the small hours, while post-production deadlines can swallow a weekend at a day's notice. Westminster's licensing policy links the West End's late-night trouble, Soho included, to the number of people out late, a considerable number of them intoxicated, and if one or both of you works inside that night, home can become the place you recover rather than talk. Around Old Compton Street, London's most prominent gay village, couples may be working out agreements about openness, the scene or chems that nobody in their families ever modelled. Across Shaftesbury Avenue in Chinatown, one partner may carry duties to parents that the other does not fully see. Pressures like these can sit quietly for years and then surface all at once in one bad argument.
What happens in a couples hour by video
First, each of you gets time to say, without being cut off, what you want to change and what you want to keep. I keep things even between you and leave verdicts out of it. Then we look at the loop you both know too well. Perhaps one of you gets home at three in the morning still wired from service, the other has been lying awake, and a question about where you were becomes the row about trust you have had a dozen times. Seen from outside, the steps get easier to interrupt. For same-sex couples, nothing needs translating before we reach the real subject. If chems, drinking or an agreement about other partners is part of the strain, we can talk about it plainly and without judgement. Between sessions you might try a small experiment, such as one unhurried meal on the day your rotas overlap. If one of you is still at an edit suite on Wardour Street when the hour starts, the other can join from home, and on calmer days you share a screen. If your partner is not ready, starting alone still counts, because your half of the pattern is yours to change. Where one of you feels afraid of the other, joint work is the wrong setting, and the safety notes on this page list safer places to turn.
Where Soho couples lose the thread
Night work against day work
One partner on late service in Soho's restaurants or theatres, the other on office hours, and a relationship conducted through messages left on the kitchen counter.
Agreements made on the scene
Open arrangements, nights out around Old Compton Street or chems can strain trust. 56 Dean Street's chemsex support helps its registered patients while we work on the relationship.
Families who see half the picture
When one partner's family expects duties the other never signed up to, loyalty becomes the argument. In Chinatown, the Chinese Information and Advice Centre gives free practical advice where language is a barrier.
When caring replaces being partners
If illness has turned one partner into the other's carer, you can drift into roles that leave little room for being a couple. Carers Network supports whoever is doing the caring.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Soho
The free routes near Soho support each of you as individuals, and couples work with me fits around them. Either partner can refer themselves to Westminster Talking Therapies if anxiety or low mood has crept in alongside the rows. Carers Network supports whoever has become a carer, and 56 Dean Street chemsex support works with its registered patients. Joint sessions sit comfortably alongside all of them.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)Westminster Talking Therapies030 3333 0000Free NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itTurning Point Westminster and Kensington & Chelsea (Drug and Alcohol Wellbeing Service, DAWS)0330 303 8080Free and confidential.
- Local organisationCentral London Samaritans
- Local organisationGrief Café at St Anne's Church, Soho (with The Good Grief Trust)Free monthly bereavement drop-in.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Locally, the CNWL Mental Health Single Point of Access is on 0800 0234 650.
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Soho ask before starting
We both work in Soho on opposite shifts. How would couples sessions fit?
On the free 15-minute call we compare your rotas and look for a slot that recurs, even if it moves between weekdays. Late-morning sessions can suit anyone who finishes after midnight. If you rarely share a day off, a 90-minute session on the days you do can work better than a rushed hour, and either of you can join from a separate device if one is at work.
Is your couples counselling welcoming for gay and lesbian couples in Soho?
Yes. Same-sex couples, and couples of any gender or arrangement, are welcome, and you will not have to explain the basics of your life before we get to what matters. If your relationship includes agreements about other partners, or the scene, or chems, we can talk about them as openly as you both like, at a pace you both choose.
Is there free relationship counselling in Westminster?
The free options in Westminster work with individuals. Either of you can self-refer to Westminster Talking Therapies on 030 3333 0000 when worry or a low mood has settled on you, and Carers Network supports anyone looking after a partner or relative. Both sit alongside joint sessions with me, and nothing stops you using them at the same time.
Do we have to come to Hove together for couples counselling from Soho?
Hove is roughly 101 minutes by car from Soho, or a Tube ride and a mainline train whichever rail route you take, so our joint sessions run by secure video, from the same sofa or two separate rooms. Should the two of you want a face-to-face session one day, a single longer one in Hove can be booked well ahead.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
A short call that either of you can book
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.