Hackney · online by video, with the Hove room for occasional sessions
Couples therapy and relationship counselling for Hackney
Maybe the same row keeps circling round your Dalston or Clapton flat, or the real conversations have dried up; couples counselling gives the two of you a fixed weekly hour with someone who takes neither side. Hove is 97 minutes away by car, so from Hackney we'd meet by secure video. You can come together, from two places, or on your own.
The practical facts for Hackney
- Where sessions happen
- A private room at Intergen House, 65-67 Western Road, Hove BN3 2JQ, or secure video.
- From Hackney by car
- About 97 minutes with clear roads (72.3 miles); longer at busy times.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)
- City & Hackney Talking Therapies
- Fees
- £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90, £120 for 120. The first 15-minute call is free.
- Registration
- BACP registered member, no. 109340 (check the register); UKCP student member in advanced psychotherapy training.
Small flats, long shifts and rent day
Most Hackney households rent. In 2021 only 24.6% owned their home, against 45.2% across London, so plenty of relationships here are lived in a rented flat where, once an argument starts, the only escape is the bedroom or the street. A lease ending can force big decisions early: move in together, move further out, or leave London. If one of you works on the wards at Homerton University Hospital, nights and weekends can mean you pass each other at the door for days. Money adds weight. Hackney has England's third-highest proportion of people living in income-deprived households, and when a month is tight, a row about the shopping is rarely about the shopping. Even the good parts, the pubs, the markets and summer evenings on London Fields or Hackney Marshes, can become a way of spending time together without ever really talking.
What happens in a couples session
Both partners get the same share of the hour, and I stay out of handing down verdicts. I help you spot the cycle you get stuck in, say one pursuing while the other withdraws, or each quarrel drifting back to London rent, chores or which family you visit at Eid or Christmas. We slow it down enough to hear what sits underneath, often hurt or fear that comes out as criticism. Where a partner also looks after an ill or older relative, that strain deserves its own space, and the Hackney Carers Centre can support the carer directly. If drinking or gambling is part of what's going wrong, we name it honestly; Derman offers gambling counselling for Kurdish and Turkish communities, and the Al-Anon groups in Hackney support partners of someone who drinks. When just one partner in Hackney is ready, solo sessions let you explore your half of the pattern. Joint sessions only suit a relationship in which neither of you is scared, so if your partner makes you afraid, start with the section further down meant for you.
What strains Hackney relationships
Shifts at Homerton
When one partner works nights or weekends on a hospital ward, you can share a home and barely overlap, and resentment grows in the gaps between handovers.
A tenancy that decides for you
With most Hackney homes rented, an end-of-tenancy notice can push you into choices about moving in, moving out or leaving London before either of you is ready.
When one of you is a carer
Looking after a parent or relative can take everything one partner has to give. The Hackney Carers Centre supports carers in their own right, alongside our sessions.
When it's their drinking
The Al-Anon Hackney Monday and Hackney Friday groups, and the family and friends support at City and Hackney Recovery Service, are there for partners worried about drink.
If you are afraid of your partner
Couples counselling is not safe or suitable where one partner is afraid of the other. You can book the free call on your own. What you tell me on your own is not passed to your partner without your agreement, except where someone's safety is at serious risk; I explain those limits on the free call. In your message, tell me the safest way and time to contact you. Video sessions from a shared home are not private if you could be overheard or your devices are checked. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free, day or night, on 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is on 0808 801 0327. If you are worried about your own behaviour towards a partner, the Respect Phoneline is on 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm).
Free and low-cost support for Hackney
Each of you can lean on Hackney's free services for yourselves while we work together. For anxiety or low mood, either partner can self-refer to City and Hackney Talking Therapies. The Hackney Carers Centre supports a partner who cares for someone. If drink is the worry, there are the Al-Anon Hackney groups and the family and friends support at City and Hackney Recovery Service.
- Free NHS talking therapy (for one of you)City & Hackney Talking TherapiesFree NHS talking therapy for anxiety, low mood and related difficulties. You can refer yourself, with no GP referral needed.
- If drinking or drug use is part of itCity and Hackney Recovery Service0345 144 0050Free and confidential.
- Local organisationMind in the City, Hackney and Waltham Forest (Mind CHWF)Mental health charity.
- Local organisationSt Joseph's Hospice, Hackney: adult bereavement service
- Local organisationCity & Hackney Carers Centre
- Local organisationCentral London Samaritans
Private counselling with me can run alongside any of these; you do not have to choose one or the other.
If you need urgent help now
If you need help right now, please don't wait for a session.
Local drop-in crisis support: City and Hackney Crisis Café (check opening times before you go).
If you, or someone you live with, drink heavily every day, or take drugs such as benzodiazepines or GHB daily, do not stop suddenly without medical advice. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be dangerous. Your GP or the local drug and alcohol service can arrange medically assisted withdrawal. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone in withdrawal is shaking visibly, unusually restless or agitated, confused, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or has a fit. For milder symptoms, such as a slight tremor or sweating, contact your GP or NHS 111 the same day (NHS guidance). Counselling works alongside medical support, not instead of it.
What people in Hackney ask before starting
Could the two of us come to you in person from Hackney?
In-person sessions mean coming to Intergen House in Hove, about 97 minutes' drive from Hackney, or a train with changes at Liverpool Street, Farringdon and Brighton. Weekly couples sessions from Hackney are far easier by secure video, and an occasional longer meeting in Hove can be planned if you'd both like to sit in the same room.
We share a Hackney flat with housemates. Can couples counselling by video still work?
It can. You need a door that closes and a stable connection, and sharing one laptop on the sofa is fine. If privacy is hard at home, one of you can join from elsewhere with headphones. We'd agree a regular time when housemates are usually out, so neither of you is guarding what you say.
Does Hackney have any free help for couples?
Hackney's free services work with one person at a time, and each partner can use them while we meet as a couple. Either partner can contact City and Hackney Talking Therapies directly over anxiety or low mood, the Hackney Carers Centre supports partners who care for someone, and the Al-Anon Hackney groups help when a partner's drinking is the worry.
One of us works nights at Homerton. Can sessions fit around the rota?
We'd look for a regular slot that suits both rotas, and keep to it as closely as shifts allow. The partner on shift can join from a quiet room elsewhere, as long as it's private. If your patterns change month to month, we can plan sessions a few weeks ahead together.
How much do sessions cost, and is the first call free?
Sessions are £80 for 60 minutes, £100 for 90 minutes and £120 for 120 minutes, the same in person in Hove or by video. The first 15-minute call is free, with no obligation to book. There is no NHS referral needed to see me privately.
Talk it through together, beginning with one call
When you feel ready, a short conversation is the easiest way to see whether we are a good fit. There is no obligation.